.04 ::'CAUSE :=Mama: 'Cause nobody ever got hurt, I guess. Agnes .08 ::'DISH :=Jessie: what things mean on my lists. I see 'dish towels,' and I used to wonder whether .01 ::'EM :=Jessie: washed. I'll be right back. And get 'em real dry. You dry your hands till I get .01 ::'EM :=Mama: You want me to wash 'em now or are you making your mess first? .04 ::'EM :=Mama: don't have to be true to talk about 'em, you know. .04 ::'EM :=Mama: to watch the fires as soon as she set 'em. One time she set out porch chairs and .10 ::'NIGHT :=Jessie: 'Night, Mother. .10 ::'NIGHT :=Jessie: I came over and kissed you and said, "'Night, Mother," and you heard me close .10 ::'NIGHT :=Mama: too? We sat around, you kissed me, "'Night Mother?" They'll want to know more, .08 ::120 :=Mama: a full-time secretary job and an IQ of 120. .01 ::A :=Jessie: And a big piece of plastic like a rubber sheet .01 ::A :=Jessie: Not a thing. Feel fine. .01 ::A :=Jessie: That's a good idea, Mama. .01 ::A :=Jessie: It's not a joke, Mama. .01 ::A :=Jessie: Shoot myself. In a couple of hours. .01 ::A :=Jessie: I'll go back and get it in a minute. There's a wagon wheel up there, .01 ::A :=Jessie: And a big piece of plastic like a rubber sheet or something. Garbage bags .01 ::A :=Jessie: wheel up there, too. There's even a churn. I'll get it all if you want. .01 ::A :=Jessie: an old blanket or towels we got in a soap box sometime? .01 ::A :=Jessie: anywhere, or a foam cushion out of a yard chair would be real good. .01 ::A :=Jessie: about some old pillows anywhere, or a foam cushion out of a yard chair would .01 ::A :=Jessie: more coming tomorrow. I ordered you a whole case. .01 ::A :=Jessie: back and get it in a minute. There's a wagon wheel up there, too. There's even .01 ::A :=Jessie: Your hands aren't washed. Do you want a manicure or not? .01 ::A :=Jessie: if I didn't say it? You want it to be a surprise? You're lying there in your bed .01 ::A :=Mama: A whole case will go stale, Jessie. .01 ::A :=Mama: It's not a floor at all, hon, it's a board now and .01 ::A :=Mama: Don't go making a big mess, Jessie. It's eight o'clock a .01 ::A :=Mama: I said don't make a mess. Your hair is black enough, hon. .01 ::A :=Mama: I don't like the idea of a gun, Jess. .01 ::A :=Mama: Ricky is mixed up. That's not a crime. .01 ::A :=Mama: You are not! Don't even say such a thing, Jessie. .01 ::A :=Mama: been in it again. I ought to put a big mirror on the refrigerator door. That'll .01 ::A :=Mama: It's not a floor at all, hon, it's a board now and then. Measure this for me. .01 ::A :=Mama: Ricky will grow out of this and be a real fine boy, Jess. But I have to tell .01 ::A :=Mama: or get a job or one day you'll get a call and he'll say he's sorry for all the .01 ::A :=Mama: Fletcher sold hers to somebody with a flea market for forty dollars. .01 ::A :=Mama: I wouldn't want Ricky to know we had a gun in the house. .01 ::A :=Mama: come down from there before you have a fit. I can't come up and get you, you .01 ::A :=Mama: what's out here to steal. Never seen a one. .01 ::A :=Mama: way too serious, hon. I've never seen a criminal in my life. This is way too far .01 ::A :=Mama: sugar. He'll get back in school or get a job or one day you'll get a call and he'll .02 ::A :=Jessie: Jesus was a suicide, if you ask me. .02 ::A :=Jessie: He took it as a compliment. He thought I might be taking .02 ::A :=Jessie: prowlers. He said he thought it was a good idea. He told me what kind to ask .02 ::A :=Jessie: with the robe, he'll say. Be back in a minute. .02 ::A :=Jessie: got me dusting powder, Loretta got me a new housecoat, pink probably, and Dawson .02 ::A :=Mama: It's a sin. You'll go to hell. .02 ::A :=Mama: Dawson will put a stop to this. Yes he will. He'll take the .02 ::A :=Mama: You'll cock the pistol and have a fit. .02 ::A :=Mama: You'll miss. You'll just wind up a vegetable. How would you like that? Shoot .02 ::A :=Mama: They're my towels. I've had them for a long time. I like my towels. .02 ::A :=Mama: eyes. Stuff cotton in your ears. Take a nap! It's quiet in your room. I'll leave .03 ::A :=Jessie: Not a bit. I am worried about you, but I'm going .03 ::A :=Jessie: Only a matter of time, anyway, Mama. When the .03 ::A :=Jessie: No. It's a funny idea, though. What do you sing? .03 ::A :=Jessie: If it was a mistake, we made it together. You took .03 ::A :=Jessie: Nothing. Want a caramel? .03 ::A :=Jessie: I want to hang a big sign around my neck, like Daddy's on .03 ::A :=Jessie: Mama -- I'm just not having a very good time and I don't have any reason .03 ::A :=Jessie: There's extra light bulbs in a box in the hall closet. And we've got a .03 ::A :=Jessie: The washer repair number is on a little card taped to the side of the m .03 ::A :=Jessie: and they learned it before you had a chance to say whether you wanted them to .03 ::A :=Jessie: or do you want Dawson to? I've got a note to him. I'll add that to it if you .03 ::A :=Jessie: a seizure any time. What good would a job do? The kind of job I could get would .03 ::A :=Jessie: going to sit around tonight. I made a list of things. .03 ::A :=Jessie: name when you call. The number's on a whole list of numbers on the back cover .03 ::A :=Jessie: I went to the hospital. I could have a seizure any time. What good would a job .03 ::A :=Jessie: box in the hall closet. And we've got a couple of packages of fuses in the fuse .03 ::A :=Jessie: going to stop it. So. Let's just have a good time. .03 ::A :=Jessie: somewhere else, you wouldn't get such a glare on it during the day. I'll do whatever .03 ::A :=Jessie: won't let them put it in the bottom of a sack like that one time, remember? .03 ::A :=Mama: Have a good time. .03 ::A :=Mama: We've got a good life here! .03 ::A :=Mama: I asked you a question. .03 ::A :=Mama: We could get a new dog and keep him in the house. Dogs .03 ::A :=Mama: You could get a job! .03 ::A :=Mama: You're not having a good time! Whoever promised you a good .03 ::A :=Mama: a good time! Whoever promised you a good time? Do you think I've had a good .03 ::A :=Mama: get another dog, Jessie! You liked a big dog, now, didn't you? That King dog, .03 ::A :=Mama: made some new friends at least. Had a life to lead. Had your own things around .03 ::A :=Mama: you might want a place of your own. A grown woman should... .03 ::A :=Mama: Or maybe the doctor would let you get a driver's license now, or I know what let's .03 ::A :=Mama: You could work some puzzles or put in a garden or go to the store. Let's call a .03 ::A :=Mama: garden or go to the store. Let's call a taxi and to the A&P! .03 ::A :=Mama: into. You could get one that he's got a job, that he's getting married, or how .03 ::A :=Mama: then, but I can see how you might want a place of your own. A grown woman shoul .03 ::A :=Mama: you a good time? Do you think I've had a good time? .03 ::A :=Mama: your own things around you. Give Ricky a place to come see you. You never should've .04 ::A :=Jessie: I didn't know she had a house full of birds! .04 ::A :=Jessie: She really eats okra twice a day? Where does she get it in the wint .04 ::A :=Jessie: Does that mean I can't have a caramel apple? .04 ::A :=Jessie: sometime? Or did she see me have a fit and's afraid I might have another one .04 ::A :=Jessie: cocoa, Mama. And I'd like to have a caramel apple and do your nails. .04 ::A :=Jessie: go? She can't get Buster to build her a new one, he's dead. How could she burn .04 ::A :=Mama: "Like a corpse," she says, "and I'm gonna be one .04 ::A :=Mama: When she was a girl, Jess, not now. Long time ago. But .04 ::A :=Mama: Well now, what a good idea. We should've had more cocoa. .04 ::A :=Mama: You didn't eat a bite of supper. .04 ::A :=Mama: Well, she eats it a lot. Maybe not two meals, but... .04 ::A :=Mama: Why does she have a house full of birds? .04 ::A :=Mama: Her kitchen is just a tiny thing. When she comes over here, she .04 ::A :=Mama: Wouldn't surprise me a bit. .04 ::A :=Mama: She's calling me from a pay phone this week. God only knows why. .04 ::A :=Mama: That's fine with me. I'm not a bit sleepy. .04 ::A :=Mama: in. Eight fire, and she's due for a new one any day now. .04 ::A :=Mama: She's as crazy as they come. She's a lunatic. .04 ::A :=Mama: ever make out about it. Agnes like a feeling of accomplishment. .04 ::A :=Mama: life filled up, she says. She says a lot of stupid things. It's all that okra .04 ::A :=Mama: just willy-nilly eat okra two meals a day and expect to get away with it. Made .04 ::A :=Mama: she feels like -- Well, we all like a change of scene, don't we? .04 ::A :=Mama: not. I mean -- Of course you can have a caramel apple. .04 ::A :=Mama: whistles. Just little plastic ones on a necklace she won playing Bingo, and I only .04 ::A :=Mama: about it because I thought I might get a laugh out of you for once even if it wasn't .04 ::A :=Mama: just follow her home. Well, I know for a fact she's still paying on the last parrot .04 ::A :=Mama: this week. God only knows why. She has a perfectly good Trimline at home. .05 ::A :=Jessie: Or make me a boyfriend out of pipe cleaners and sit .05 ::A :=Jessie: to dance and wasn't I going to get a kick out of that. Or sit up with a sick .05 ::A :=Jessie: Sorry for you, I mean. He seemed like a nice man. .05 ::A :=Jessie: get a kick out of that. Or sit up with a sick cow all night and leave me a chain .05 ::A :=Jessie: hair done, you could take them all for a walk! .05 ::A :=Jessie: with a sick cow all night and leave me a chain of sleepy stick elephants on my bed .05 ::A :=Mama: It's a real waste of chocolate. You don't have .05 ::A :=Mama: No. It was a big fat lie, the whole thing. He just thought .05 ::A :=Mama: He never said a word he didn't have to, Jessie. That was .05 ::A :=Mama: Into what? The Queen? A clerk in a shoe store? Why should I? Because .05 ::A :=Mama: I'll tell her to bring a pan. You said you would do whatever I wanted! .05 ::A :=Mama: if he were still alive. That's a fine thing to figure out, isn't it? .05 ::A :=Mama: He felt sorry for me. He wanted a plain country woman and that's what he .05 ::A :=Mama: Into what? The Queen? A clerk in a shoe store? Why should I? Because he said .05 ::A :=Mama: That's why I left. He didn't say a thing. It was his last chance not to talk .05 ::A :=Mama: I love him, Jessie. I didn't have a thing he wanted. He got his share, though. .05 ::A :=Mama: do whatever I wanted! I don't want a bunch of pans cluttering up my cabinets .05 ::A :=Mama: on the porch and I told him to get a shirt on and he went in and got one and .05 ::A :=Mama: all he'd have to show for it was -- a whole pipe-cleaner family -- chickens, .05 ::A :=Mama: at them and I hid his pipe cleaners a couple of times but he always had more .05 ::A :=Mama: family -- chickens, pigs, a dog with a bad leg -- it was creepy strange. It made .05 ::A :=Mama: think you can rest easy if you get me a new babysitter? Well, I don't want to live .05 ::A :=Mama: were born and he said you didn't have a chance. .05 ::A :=Mama: yourself about that. He said you were a runt and he said it from the day you were .05 ::A :=Mama: pipe-cleaner family -- chickens, pigs, a dog with a bad leg -- it was creepy strange. .06 ::A :=Jessie: You didn't need a porch, Mama. .06 ::A :=Jessie: I told them I was taking a little holiday and to look after you. .06 ::A :=Jessie: I guess you and Agnes had a good talk about that, huh? .06 ::A :=Jessie: I told them to keep delivering a quart a week no matter what you said. I .06 ::A :=Jessie: and you give the bills to Dawson once a month. .06 ::A :=Jessie: I told them to keep delivering a quart a week no matter what you said. I told them .06 ::A :=Mama: He had a girl, Jessie. I walked right in on them .06 ::A :=Mama: It's the same thing. A seizure in the hospital is a fit at ho .06 ::A :=Mama: How were you going to get a husband never opening your mouth to a living .06 ::A :=Mama: All right! I wanted you to have a husband. .06 ::A :=Mama: sees the driveway looking down from a stretcher passed out cold? .06 ::A :=Mama: thing. A seizure in the hospital is a fit at home. .06 ::A :=Mama: a husband never opening your mouth to a living soul? .06 ::A :=Mama: just any old woman now? When you have a fit, do you see stars or what? How did .07 ::A :=Jessie: move it. I said, "How long does a baby bed have to last, anyway?" But maybe .07 ::A :=Jessie: stay awake. I tried to learn to ride a horse. And I tried to stay outside with .07 ::A :=Jessie: us together for all time in too small a space. And we're tearing each other apart, .07 ::A :=Jessie: It didn't have to be anything special, a couple of boards would have been just fine, .07 ::A :=Jessie: was strong enough, it might keep Ricky a baby. .07 ::A :=Mama: He was a selfish man. He told me once he hated to .07 ::A :=Mama: He had responsibilities here. He had a wife and son here and he failed you. .08 ::A :=Jessie: Just a way of saying it, Mama. Thinking about .08 ::A :=Jessie: I have a box of things I want people to have. I'm .08 ::A :=Jessie: I made a list of all the birthdays for you. I even .08 ::A :=Jessie: Foaming like a mad dog the whole time. .08 ::A :=Jessie: O.K. Pick one, then. A good one. I think I want to know now. .08 ::A :=Jessie: It does not. It's just a sickness, not a curse. Epilepsy doesn't .08 ::A :=Jessie: I won't be here. If I'd ever had a year like this, to think straight and all, .08 ::A :=Jessie: about my list, that's all. Well, a little more than that. I was trying to .08 ::A :=Jessie: out of the box as soon as you open a new one and put them in this drawer. They'll .08 ::A :=Jessie: there is this dizzy stupid feeling a little before it, but if the TV's on, well, .08 ::A :=Jessie: all right that Cecil left. It was -- a relief in a way. I never was what he wanted .08 ::A :=Jessie: mad and I'm not afraid it will start a fit if I do, I just go ahead. .08 ::A :=Jessie: I know it means wrap them up, they're a present for Loretta's birthday. .08 ::A :=Jessie: to tell me I had fits all the time as a kid and you just told me I fell down or .08 ::A :=Jessie: It does not. It's just a sickness, not a curse. Epilepsy doesn't mean anything. .08 ::A :=Jessie: that Cecil left. It was -- a relief in a way. I never was what he wanted to see, .08 ::A :=Jessie: to go get it for you. You -- just rest a minute. .08 ::A :=Mama: I don't want a manicure! .08 ::A :=Mama: Make you feel like a freak, is that what I should have done .08 ::A :=Mama: How do you tell that to a five-year-old? .08 ::A :=Mama: You did! You were eating a popsicle and down you went. He gave it .08 ::A :=Mama: had a seizure for a solid year. A whole year, do you realize that? .08 ::A :=Mama: like a baby spitting up. I go get a wet washcloth, that's all. And then the .08 ::A :=Mama: two weeks altogether, and she had a full-time secretary job and an IQ of 1 .08 ::A :=Mama: I'm standing there poking you with a cattle prod or you're sticking your finger .08 ::A :=Mama: between five and five hundred fits a day and they lasted maybe fifteen seconds .08 ::A :=Mama: for God's sake; it's bubbling like a baby spitting up. I go get a wet washcloth, .08 ::A :=Mama: He thought you were -- you fell down a lot. That's what he thought. You were careless. .08 ::A :=Mama: You just -- crumple, in a heap, like a puppet and somebody cut the strings all .08 ::A :=Mama: fits. I read this a long time ago in a magazine, how little fits go, just little .08 ::A :=Mama: even brought this up! You haven't had a seizure for a solid year. A whole year, .08 ::A :=Mama: much to tell. You just -- crumple, in a heap, like a puppet and somebody cut the .08 ::A :=Mama: chair and had little fits. I read this a long time ago in a magazine, how little .08 ::A :=Mama: didn't know it soon enough. Maybe it's a punishment. .08 ::A :=Mama: fed you the wrong thing. Maybe you had a fever sometime and I didn't know it soon .08 ::A :=Mama: prod or you're sticking your finger in a light socket as fast as you can... .08 ::A :=Mama: this up! You haven't had a seizure for a solid year. A whole year, do you realize .08 ::A :=Mama: wasn't the first time, Jessie. You had a fit when you were five years old. .08 ::A :=Mama: You got me once real good. I had to get a tetanus! But I know what to watch for now. .09 ::A :=Jessie: I should've just left you a note! .09 ::A :=Jessie: You don't know when. Like in a scary movie. .09 ::A :=Jessie: How could I think you would want a manicure? We could hold hands for an hour .09 ::A :=Jessie: I know that. So it's really just a matter of where I'd rather be. .09 ::A :=Jessie: around over her head and chewed on a polka-dot whale and woke up knowing some .09 ::A :=Jessie: make it. Me -- who might have made a difference to me -- I'm not going to show .09 ::A :=Mama: Stay with me just a little longer. Just a few more years. I .09 ::A :=Mama: over and you can sneak them a piece of candy when their daddy's not looking .09 ::A :=Mama: thinking, "Boy, are they all in for a surprise." Well, nobody's going to be a .09 ::A :=Mama: can't, Jessie. You make me feel like a fool for being alive, child, and you are .09 ::A :=Mama: surprise." Well, nobody's going to be a bit surprised, sweetheart. This is just .09 ::A :=Mama: Stay with me just a little longer. Just a few more years. I don't have that many .10 ::A :=Jessie: I think he'll feel like a real jerk if he doesn't. Me telling him .10 ::A :=Jessie: it already. I'd like to buy him a good meal. .10 ::A :=Jessie: And all my house slippers are in a sack for her in my closet. Tell her I know .10 ::A :=Jessie: mostly stuff for the house, like a new rug in your bathroom and needlework, .10 ::A :=Jessie: Agnes could come stay with you for a few days. .10 ::A :=Jessie: you, so read it if you want. There's a list of presents for you for at least twenty .10 ::A :=Jessie: they won't. They're just things, like a free tube of toothpaste I found hanging .10 ::A :=Jessie: next Christmas. I think you'll like it a lot and you'd never think of it. .10 ::A :=Mama: Ireland. I think it just comes with a green wrapper. .10 ::A :=Mama: told me to do! I'll tell Cecil what a miserable man he was to make you feel the .10 ::A :=Mama: I do. We're not through yet. We've got a lot of things to take care of here. I don't .03 ::A&P :=Mama: store. Let's call a taxi and to the A&P! .10 ::ABLE :=Jessie: to come in. First of all, you won't be able to get in by yourself, but I don't want .01 ::ABOUT :=Jessie: It's not for my hair, Mama. What about some old pillows anywhere, or a foam .01 ::ABOUT :=Jessie: Towels you don't want anymore. How about this swimming towel Loretta gave us? .01 ::ABOUT :=Jessie: hands and don't talk to me any more about Ricky. Those two rings he took were .02 ::ABOUT :=Jessie: I told him I was worried about prowlers. He said he thought it was .02 ::ABOUT :=Jessie: On the phone with Agnes. About the milk can, I guess. Anyway, I asked .02 ::ABOUT :=Jessie: Feed store Dawson told me about. .02 ::ABOUT :=Jessie: things. He got through telling me all about the bullets and then he said we ought .02 ::ABOUT :=Mama: we better call the doctor. Or how about the ambulance. You like the one driver, .02 ::ABOUT :=Mama: ear off? You know what the doctor said about getting excited. You'll cock the pistol .02 ::ABOUT :=Mama: now. We'll just see what he has to say about this little stunt. .03 ::ABOUT :=Jessie: About? .03 ::ABOUT :=Jessie: They know about you, and they learned it before you .03 ::ABOUT :=Jessie: I shopped you up for about two weeks already. You're not going .03 ::ABOUT :=Jessie: Not a bit. I am worried about you, but I'm going to do what I can .03 ::ABOUT :=Jessie: And it's time I did something about it. .03 ::ABOUT :=Jessie: No, I don't. That's what I like about it. .03 ::ABOUT :=Jessie: He's hurt me, I've hurt him. We're about even. .03 ::ABOUT :=Jessie: it's my day, so it's mine to wonder about, not his. .03 ::ABOUT :=Jessie: make it better, make me feel better about it. Like it better, make it work. But .03 ::ABOUT :=Jessie: can't. And I can't do anything either, about my life, to change it, make it better, .03 ::ABOUT :=Mama: About what? .03 ::ABOUT :=Mama: Sad about what? .03 ::ABOUT :=Mama: O.K. Sad about what? There's nothing real sad going .03 ::ABOUT :=Mama: If you're mad about doing the wash, we can get Loretta .03 ::ABOUT :=Mama: What's this all about, Jessie? .03 ::ABOUT :=Mama: What do they know about you? I'll tell them never to talk about .03 ::ABOUT :=Mama: But I can't do anything about that! .03 ::ABOUT :=Mama: you? I'll tell them never to talk about it again. Is it Ricky or Cecil or your .03 ::ABOUT :=Mama: down? How long have you been thinking about this? .03 ::ABOUT :=Mama: job, that he's getting married, or how about he's joined the army, wouldn't that .04 ::ABOUT :=Jessie: You lied about setting the fire to all those houses .04 ::ABOUT :=Jessie: like me! She's scared of me! How about that! Scared of me. .04 ::ABOUT :=Jessie: the fire to all those houses and about how many birds she has and how much .04 ::ABOUT :=Jessie: No, that's all right. I just wondered about it. When I'm in the hospital, does .04 ::ABOUT :=Jessie: you mean. You didn't have to lie to me about Agnes. .04 ::ABOUT :=Mama: Why are you asking about Agnes? One cup or two? .04 ::ABOUT :=Mama: Why do you have to know so much about things, Jessie? There's just not that .04 ::ABOUT :=Mama: them. What's there to understand about birds? .04 ::ABOUT :=Mama: Something just downright disgusting about it. .04 ::ABOUT :=Mama: Things don't have to be true to talk about 'em, you know. .04 ::ABOUT :=Mama: for it, is all I could ever make out about it. Agnes like a feeling of accomp .04 ::ABOUT :=Mama: visit. I didn't know you ever thought about her at all. I'll tell her she just .04 ::ABOUT :=Mama: won playing Bingo, and I only told you about it because I thought I might get a .05 ::ABOUT :=Jessie: We talked about why black socks are warmer than blue .05 ::ABOUT :=Jessie: It feels good to be right about it. .05 ::ABOUT :=Jessie: then. It's just something to think about. .05 ::ABOUT :=Jessie: back and smile like the stick man was about to dance and wasn't I going to get .05 ::ABOUT :=Mama: What did you talk about? .05 ::ABOUT :=Mama: I don't like things to think about. I like things to go on. .05 ::ABOUT :=Mama: Oh no? Then what were you asking about him for? Why did you want to know if .05 ::ABOUT :=Mama: So that's why you're pestering me about Agnes. You think you can rest easy .05 ::ABOUT :=Mama: It wasn't important. We didn't talk about it. Take all these pots out to the .05 ::ABOUT :=Mama: I'm here for, but then I don't think about it. But I bet you wouldn't be killing .05 ::ABOUT :=Mama: you, too, Jessie, don't kid yourself about that. He said you were a runt and he .05 ::ABOUT :=Mama: every night. What were you whispering about? .05 ::ABOUT :=Mama: left you stuck with me and you're mad about it. .05 ::ABOUT :=Mama: But you, you knew what he was thinking about and you're going to tell me. .05 ::ABOUT :=Mama: shop, he told Dawson. They all laughed about it. And he'd come back from fishing .06 ::ABOUT :=Jessie: They said it was about time, but why didn't I take you with .06 ::ABOUT :=Jessie: What are you talking about? .06 ::ABOUT :=Jessie: What are you talking about? You liked him better than I did. You .06 ::ABOUT :=Jessie: I guess you and Agnes had a good talk about that, huh? .06 ::ABOUT :=Mama: they didn't think something was funny about that? You who doesn't go to the front .07 ::ABOUT :=Jessie: So I was quiet about it, so what? .07 ::ABOUT :=Mama: Things happen. You do what you can about them and you see what happens next. .08 ::ABOUT :=Jessie: You want to talk about fits, is that it? .08 ::ABOUT :=Jessie: Yeah, the phenobarb's about right now, I guess. .08 ::ABOUT :=Jessie: Just a way of saying it, Mama. Thinking about my list, that's all. Well, a little .08 ::ABOUT :=Mama: If I told him about you, I'd have to tell him about hi .08 ::ABOUT :=Mama: I'm not talking about the fits here, Jessie! I'm talking .08 ::ABOUT :=Mama: I can tell when you're about to have one. Your eyes get this big! .08 ::ABOUT :=Mama: What have we just been talking about? You'll be here. You're well, Jessie. .08 ::ABOUT :=Mama: the fits here, Jessie! I'm talking about this killing yourself. It has to be .08 ::ABOUT :=Mama: I don't know. Because of how I felt about your father. Because I didn't want .08 ::ABOUT :=Mama: Jessie, but I don't know what to do about it now! .08 ::ABOUT :=Mama: him about you, I'd have to tell him about him! .08 ::ABOUT :=Mama: know what he thought. He didn't think about it. .08 ::ABOUT :=Mama: that out of her life, she'd only lost about two weeks altogether, and she had a .09 ::ABOUT :=Jessie: I could go shoot myself? I'm sorry about tonight, Mama, but it's exactly why .09 ::ABOUT :=Jessie: is who is left. That's what this is about. It's somebody I lost, all right, it's .09 ::ABOUT :=Jessie: say. This is how I say what I thought about it all and I say no. To Dawson and .09 ::ABOUT :=Mama: going to feel sorry for? Me! How about that! Not you, me! They're going to .09 ::ABOUT :=Mama: you think they'll all have to talk about you now! I guess you think this will .09 ::ABOUT :=Mama: Yes. Ashamed! If somebody asks Dawson about it, he'll change the subject as fast .09 ::ABOUT :=Mama: subject as fast as he can. He'll talk about how much he has to pay to park his .10 ::ABOUT :=Jessie: Tell him we talked about him and I only had good things to say .10 ::ABOUT :=Jessie: I guess. I tried to be quiet about it. Those are just little presents. .10 ::ABOUT :=Jessie: that way. If they know we talked about it, they really won't understand how .10 ::ABOUT :=Jessie: haven't seen for years, but I thought about what you should say to get you over .10 ::ABOUT :=Jessie: him and I only had good things to say about him, but mainly tell him to find Ricky .10 ::ABOUT :=Jessie: letter is for Dawson, but it's mostly about you, so read it if you want. There's .10 ::ABOUT :=Mama: I don't think I should ask about their children. I'll talk about what .10 ::ABOUT :=Mama: ask about their children. I'll talk about what they have on, that's always good. .10 ::ABOUT :=Mama: to get away from me, Jessie. I'm not about to let you... .02 ::ABSOLUTELY :=Jessie: them if he told them to. And he was absolutely right. Here they are. .03 ::ACCIDENT :=Mama: By accident! .03 ::ACCIDENT :=Mama: Family is just accident, Jessie. It's nothing personal, .08 ::ACCIDENT :=Jessie: I fell off the horse. It was an accident. .04 ::ACCOMPLISHMENT :=Mama: out about it. Agnes like a feeling of accomplishment. .03 ::ACCOUNT :=Jessie: I just don't like their talk. The account at the grocery is in Dawson's name .05 ::ACROSS :=Jessie: We weren't whispering, you were just across the room. .02 ::ACT :=Jessie: If I'd known you were going to act like this, I wouldn't have told you. .02 ::ACT :=Mama: How an I supposed to act? Tell you to go ahead? O.K. by me, sugar? .08 ::ACT :=Mama: to. I can take it. You don't have to act like you're just visiting here, Jessie. .03 ::ACTING :=Mama: You're acting like some little brat, Jessie. You're .03 ::ADD :=Jessie: to? I've got a note to him. I'll add that to it if you want. .03 ::ADD :=Jessie: them what we need and tell them to add on cigarettes until it gets to fifteen .10 ::ADD :=Jessie: you want anything special you better add it to this list before you give it to .08 ::ADDED :=Jessie: remembering, I could see what it all added up to. .07 ::ADMIT :=Mama: I married you off to the wrong man, I admit that. So I took you in when he left. .05 ::ADVANTAGE :=Mama: not to talk to me and he took full advantage of it. .02 ::AFRAID :=Mama: Jessie, for the most part. We're all afraid to die. .04 ::AFRAID :=Jessie: Or did she see me have a fit and's afraid I might have another one if she came .08 ::AFRAID :=Jessie: worrying or getting mad and I'm not afraid it will start a fit if I do, I just .09 ::AFRAID :=Jessie: Afraid of what? .09 ::AFRAID :=Mama: I'm afraid of it, for me, I mean. When my time .09 ::AFRAID :=Mama: And you're not afraid? .03 ::AFTER :=Mama: real sad going on right now. If it was after your divorce or something, that would .05 ::AFTER :=Jessie: I thought it might be better for you after he died. You'd get interested in things. .05 ::AFTER :=Mama: had those quiet little conversations after supper every night. What were you whispering .06 ::AFTER :=Jessie: taking a little holiday and to look after you. .07 ::AFTER :=Mama: to see people move into his houses after he built them. He knew they'd mess .08 ::AFTER :=Jessie: I wouldn't remember where I put them after I washed them, but now I know it means .09 ::AFTER :=Jessie: maybe it's not so strange. Anyway, after Christmas, after I decided to do this, .09 ::AFTER :=Jessie: so strange. Anyway, after Christmas, after I decided to do this, I would wonder, .09 ::AFTER :=Mama: do it. How can I live with myself after th is, Jessie? .10 ::AFTERWARD :=Jessie: be sure to invite enough people home afterward so you get enough food to feed .01 ::AGAIN :=Mama: I think maybe Dawson's been in it again. I ought to put a big mirror on the .03 ::AGAIN :=Mama: doesn't ever have to come over here again. Dawson can just leave her at home .03 ::AGAIN :=Mama: you sick? If your gums are swelling again, we can get you to the dentist in the .03 ::AGAIN :=Mama: them ever setting foot in this house again. .03 ::AGAIN :=Mama: I'll tell them never to talk about it again. Is it Ricky or Cecil or your fits .07 ::AGAIN :=Mama: Jessie, Cecil might be ready to try it again, honey, that happens sometimes. Go .09 ::AGAIN :=Jessie: Sure you can. You just did. Say it again. .09 ::AGAIN :=Mama: gone home and left you to your quiet again. .10 ::AGAIN :=Mama: I guess. Want me to wash my hands again? .05 ::AGAINST :=Mama: what he married, and then he held it against me the rest of my life like I was .01 ::AGNES :=Mama: got you to bring down that milk can. Agnes Fletcher sold hers to somebody with .02 ::AGNES :=Jessie: On the phone with Agnes. About the milk can, I guess. Anyway, .04 ::AGNES :=Jessie: Why Agnes likes them, for one thing. Why they .04 ::AGNES :=Jessie: You talk to Agnes today? .04 ::AGNES :=Jessie: Do you know how much okra Agnes eats? .04 ::AGNES :=Jessie: You didn't have to lie to me about Agnes. .04 ::AGNES :=Jessie: means. How they fly. What they think Agnes is. .04 ::AGNES :=Mama: That's Agnes. "Jessie's shook the hand of death .04 ::AGNES :=Mama: I'm serious! Agnes Fletcher's burned down every house .04 ::AGNES :=Mama: Why are you asking about Agnes? One cup or two? .04 ::AGNES :=Mama: 'Cause nobody ever got hurt, I guess. Agnes woke everybody up to watch the fires .04 ::AGNES :=Mama: is all I could ever make out about it. Agnes like a feeling of accomplishment. .05 ::AGNES :=Jessie: Agnes. .05 ::AGNES :=Jessie: year and you want to go picking with Agnes. .05 ::AGNES :=Jessie: birds bothered you, well, one day when Agnes is out getting her hair done, you could .05 ::AGNES :=Mama: Agnes gets more talk out of her birds than .05 ::AGNES :=Mama: Well, I don't want to live with Agnes. I barely want to talk with Agnes. .05 ::AGNES :=Mama: go back, that's all. I'm not letting Agnes near this place. You don't get off .05 ::AGNES :=Mama: with Agnes. I barely want to talk with Agnes. She's just around. We go back, that's .05 ::AGNES :=Mama: So that's why you're pestering me about Agnes. You think you can rest easy if you .06 ::AGNES :=Jessie: I guess you and Agnes had a good talk about that, huh? .09 ::AGNES :=Jessie: know. For the rest of your life. For Agnes burning down one more house or Dawson .10 ::AGNES :=Jessie: And Agnes will be there, so you might not have .10 ::AGNES :=Jessie: Maybe Agnes could come stay with you for a few .10 ::AGNES :=Jessie: And pick some songs you like or let Agnes pick, she'll know exactly which ones. .10 ::AGNES :=Jessie: then call the police, and then call Agnes. And then you'll need something to .06 ::AGNES'S :=Mama: She was Agnes's girl, Carlene. Judge for yoursel .02 ::AGO :=Jessie: feel stupid for not doing it ten years ago. .04 ::AGO :=Mama: was a girl, Jess, not now. Long time ago. But she's still got it in her, I'm sure .08 ::AGO :=Mama: little fits. I read this a long time ago in a magazine, how little fits go, just .02 ::AHEAD :=Jessie: just in time to help you clean up. Go ahead, call him. Then call the police. Then .02 ::AHEAD :=Mama: an I supposed to act? Tell you to go ahead? O.K. by me, sugar? Might try it myself. .08 ::AHEAD :=Jessie: it will start a fit if I do, I just go ahead. .04 ::AIN'T :=Mama: and you can understand or not, but I ain't comin'. I'll come up the driveway, .04 ::AIN'T :=Mama: the chance it's catching, Thelma, so I ain't comin' over, and you can understand .08 ::AIR :=Mama: you sound like you're gagging, sucking air in and out like you can't breathe. .02 ::ALARM :=Mama: be quiet at all. What if it's like an alarm clock and you can't wake up so you .03 ::ALIVE :=Mama: I'll sing till morning to keep you alive, Jessie, please! .05 ::ALIVE :=Mama: be killing yourself if he were still alive. That's a fine thing to figure out, .09 ::ALIVE :=Mama: Jessie, you've got the guts to stay alive. .09 ::ALIVE :=Mama: make it better, convince you to stay alive, and I couldn't do it. How can I live .09 ::ALIVE :=Mama: You make me feel like a fool for being alive, child, and you are so wrong! I like .01 ::ALL :=Jessie: hands till I get back or it's no go, all right? .01 ::ALL :=Jessie: too. There's even a churn. I'll get it all if you want. .01 ::ALL :=Mama: It's not a floor at all, hon, it's a board now and then. Measure .01 ::ALL :=Mama: a call and he'll say he's sorry for all the trouble he's caused and invite you .01 ::ALL :=Mama: all chipped, see? I've been waiting all week, Jess. It's Saturday night, sug .01 ::ALL :=Mama: what night it is, have you? They're all chipped, see? I've been waiting all week, .01 ::ALL :=Mama: know you've felt like it, well, we've all felt like shooting somebody, but we don't .01 ::ALL :=Mama: if you want. When I die, you'll get it all, anyway. .02 ::ALL :=Jessie: And that's all. .02 ::ALL :=Jessie: I'm not, Mama. I'm cold all the time, anyway. .02 ::ALL :=Jessie: Seems O.K. I had Cecil's all ready in there, just in case I couldn't .02 ::ALL :=Jessie: in things. He got through telling me all about the bullets and then he said we .02 ::ALL :=Jessie: point in fighting me over it, that's all. Want some coffee? .02 ::ALL :=Mama: in your room. I'll leave the TV off all night. .02 ::ALL :=Mama: come, Jessie, for the most part. We're all afraid to die. .02 ::ALL :=Mama: dead is like. It might not be quiet at all. What if it's like an alarm clock and .03 ::ALL :=Jessie: All the same -- they opened it. They saw .03 ::ALL :=Jessie: It all. .03 ::ALL :=Jessie: See where all this is? Red hots up front, sour balls .03 ::ALL :=Jessie: What would you do all day? .03 ::ALL :=Jessie: Off and on, ten years. On all the time, since Christmas. .03 ::ALL :=Jessie: next door to the grocery and it'll all come out together. Be sure you talk to .03 ::ALL :=Jessie: to. He's always wondering what I do all day. I mean, I wonder that myself, but .03 ::ALL :=Jessie: nothing on I want to listen to. It's all I really have that belongs to me and .03 ::ALL :=Mama: What's this all about, Jessie? .03 ::ALL :=Mama: other things? Hurt -- You had this all ready to say to me, didn't you? Did you .03 ::ALL :=Mama: Maybe if she didn't wear that yellow all the time. .03 ::ALL :=Mama: much for me. I can fill pill bottles all day, Jessie, and change the shelf paper .03 ::ALL :=Mama: yourself. Something like -- buying us all new dishes! I'd like that. Or maybe the .04 ::ALL :=Jessie: No, that's all right. I just wondered about it. When .04 ::ALL :=Jessie: We can't go on fussing all night. I mean, I could ask you things .04 ::ALL :=Jessie: What else? Why does she wear all those whistles around her neck? .04 ::ALL :=Jessie: out of you, this is going to take all night. .04 ::ALL :=Jessie: You lied about setting the fire to all those houses and about how many birds .04 ::ALL :=Mama: know you ever thought about her at all. I'll tell her she just has to come and .04 ::ALL :=Mama: down anyway, so why wait for it, is all I could ever make out about it. Agnes .04 ::ALL :=Mama: She says a lot of stupid things. It's all that okra she eats. You can't just willy-nilly .04 ::ALL :=Mama: You put it in the pan and stir it up. All right. Fine. Caramel apples. Cocoa. .04 ::ALL :=Mama: over here, she feels like -- Well, we all like a change of scene, don't we? .04 ::ALL :=Mama: she just has to come and she'll come, all right. She owes me one. .05 ::ALL :=Jessie: I'm putting them all back in. I'm not taking them to the porch. .05 ::ALL :=Jessie: I didn't think you did, that's all. .05 ::ALL :=Jessie: her hair done, you could take them all for a walk! .05 ::ALL :=Jessie: was bad, but it's not. It's the milk, all right. .05 ::ALL :=Jessie: out of that. Or sit up with a sick cow all night and leave me a chain of sleepy .05 ::ALL :=Mama: All right. Ask me whatever you want. Her .05 ::ALL :=Mama: And throw out all the plates and cups. I'll use paper. .05 ::ALL :=Mama: We didn't talk about it. Take all these pots out to the porch! .05 ::ALL :=Mama: him around like some -- Jessie, all the man ever did was farm and sit -- .05 ::ALL :=Mama: have to, Jessie. That was probably all he'd said to me all day, Jessie. So if .05 ::ALL :=Mama: And he'd come back from fishing and all he'd have to show for it was -- a whole .05 ::ALL :=Mama: box was full of chewing tobacco and all he ever did was drive out to the lake .05 ::ALL :=Mama: She's just around. We go back, that's all. I'm not letting Agnes near this place. .05 ::ALL :=Mama: That was probably all he'd said to me all day, Jessie. So if he said it, there .05 ::ALL :=Mama: at the bait shop, he told Dawson. They all laughed about it. And he'd come back .06 ::ALL :=Jessie: They didn't bother him at all. Except he did feel responsible for it. .06 ::ALL :=Jessie: porch or I'd never even met him at all. You thought maybe he'd help you out .06 ::ALL :=Jessie: pots to cook it in? This stuff will all spoil in here, Mother. .06 ::ALL :=Jessie: to you. God knows what you thought. All that curly hair. .06 ::ALL :=Jessie: reason to call the ambulance for me. All they did for me in the emergency room .06 ::ALL :=Mama: All right! I wanted you to have a husban .06 ::ALL :=Mama: Keep the ketchup. Keep it all. .06 ::ALL :=Mama: of it! What have you been living on all these years, toothpaste? .06 ::ALL :=Mama: the cocoa. You never like eating at all, did you? Any of it! What have you been .07 ::ALL :=Jessie: "I'm sorry, Jessie, I can't fix it all for you." I said I'd always love me, .07 ::ALL :=Jessie: Ricky is the two of us together for all time in too small a space. And we're .07 ::ALL :=Jessie: He gave himself another chance, that's all. But I did beg him to take me with him. .08 ::ALL :=Jessie: Least of all me. Oh, right. That was mine to know, .08 ::ALL :=Jessie: I made a list of all the birthdays for you. I even put yours .08 ::ALL :=Jessie: You mean to tell me I had fits all the time as a kid and you just told me .08 ::ALL :=Jessie: to do with you! What if you are all I have and you're not enough? What if .08 ::ALL :=Jessie: not enough? What if I could take all the rest of it if only I didn't have .08 ::ALL :=Jessie: remembering, I could see what it all added up to. .08 ::ALL :=Jessie: better when he wasn't looking at me all the time. .08 ::ALL :=Jessie: than that. I was trying to say it's all right that Cecil left. It was -- a relief .08 ::ALL :=Jessie: to buy the cheap ones. And I've got all the ties here with the hammers and all. .08 ::ALL :=Jessie: Mama. Thinking about my list, that's all. Well, a little more than that. I was .08 ::ALL :=Jessie: year like this, to think straight and all, before now, I'd be gone already. .08 ::ALL :=Jessie: all the ties here with the hammers and all. Take them out of the box as soon as .08 ::ALL :=Mama: It wasn't all the time, Jessie. And they changed when .08 ::ALL :=Mama: He said kids have them all the time. He said there wasn't anything .08 ::ALL :=Mama: I did, but I did it, I know. This is all my fault, Jessie, but I don't know what .08 ::ALL :=Mama: You're well, Jessie. You're starting all over. You said it yourself. You're remembering .08 ::ALL :=Mama: up. I go get a wet washcloth, that's all. And then the jerks slow down and you .08 ::ALL :=Mama: a puppet and somebody cut the strings all at once, or like the firing squad in .08 ::ALL :=Mama: and let your life get away from you or all of it put together. I don't know what .08 ::ALL :=Mama: ever! You might be through with it for all time! .08 ::ALL :=Mama: I didn't want anybody to know. Least of all you. .09 ::ALL :=Jessie: is how I say what I thought about it all and I say no. To Dawson and Loretta and .09 ::ALL :=Jessie: this is about. It's somebody I lost, all right, it's my own self. Who I never .09 ::ALL :=Mama: gone! I guess you think they'll all have to talk about you now! I guess you .09 ::ALL :=Mama: Do it the hard way, that's my girl, all right. You know who they're going to .09 ::ALL :=Mama: and get just the right rain for them all summer. And Ricky will be married by .09 ::ALL :=Mama: want. Maybe with me gone, you'll have all the quiet you want, right here in the .09 ::ALL :=Mama: yourself and thinking, "Boy, are they all in for a surprise." Well, nobody's going .09 ::ALL :=Mama: No. No. I -- might not have thought of all the things you've said. .09 ::ALL :=Mama: to make it stop hurting and I was here all the time and I never even saw it. And .10 ::ALL :=Jessie: Me telling him to, like this and all. Now, this number's where you call Cecil. .10 ::ALL :=Jessie: so you might not have to talk at all. .10 ::ALL :=Jessie: back on the sofa. You had no idea. All right? I really think it's better that .10 ::ALL :=Jessie: so you get enough food to feed them all and have some left for you. But don't .10 ::ALL :=Jessie: to have it now, don't you think? And all my house slippers are in a sack for her .10 ::ALL :=Jessie: I don't want you to come in. First of all, you won't be able to get in by yourself, .10 ::ALL :=Mama: Oh. All right, then. .10 ::ALL :=Mama: When did you do all this? During my naps, I guess. .10 ::ALL :=Mama: Loretta will get all the food set up, honey. It's only fair .10 ::ALL :=Mama: No, Jessie, you've got all night! .10 ::ALL :=Mama: I think I'll stay here. All they've got is Sanka. .10 ::ALL :=Mama: I didn't know! I was here with you all the time. How could I know you were so .03 ::ALONE :=Mama: it better because I'm not letting you alone till you do. What were those other .09 ::ALONE :=Jessie: Leave me alone. .10 ::ALONE :=Mama: the time. How could I know you were so alone? Jessie! Please! Jessie, Jessie, child .05 ::ALONG :=Mama: it? I'm sitting in the mud, he comes along, drags me in the kitchen, "She's been .05 ::ALONG :=Mama: him. And it didn't mean we didn't get along. It wasn't important. We didn't talk .01 ::ALREADY :=Jessie: Took it already. .01 ::ALREADY :=Jessie: Full of shoes. I looked already. .01 ::ALREADY :=Mama: We're out of these. Did I say that already? .01 ::ALREADY :=Mama: a big mess, Jessie. It's eight o'clock already. .03 ::ALREADY :=Jessie: I shopped you up for about two weeks already. You're not going to need toilet .08 ::ALREADY :=Jessie: and all, before now, I'd be gone already. .09 ::ALREADY :=Mama: you! I can't stop you because you're already gone! I guess you think they'll all .09 ::ALREADY :=Mama: life. Who am I talking to? You're gone already, aren't you? I'm looking right through .10 ::ALREADY :=Jessie: idea. I appreciate him not stealing it already. I'd like to buy him a good meal .08 ::ALTOGETHER :=Mama: life, she'd only lost about two weeks altogether, and she had a full-time secretary .03 ::ALWAYS :=Jessie: I'll do that. If you want. I always thought if the TV was somewhere else, .03 ::ALWAYS :=Jessie: he knows who he's talking to. He's always wondering what I do all day. I mean, .03 ::ALWAYS :=Mama: Honey, nothing says those calls are always going to be some new trouble he's .04 ::ALWAYS :=Jessie: I mean, I could ask you things I always wanted to know and you could make .05 ::ALWAYS :=Mama: pipe cleaners a couple of times but he always had more somewhere. .06 ::ALWAYS :=Jessie: is the only thing I know that's always just what you think it's going to .06 ::ALWAYS :=Mama: over there, where you are? Do people always say the right thing or get whatever .07 ::ALWAYS :=Jessie: we're tearing each other apart, like always, inside that boy, and if you don't .07 ::ALWAYS :=Jessie: can't fix it all for you." I said I'd always love me, not Cecil. But that's how .07 ::ALWAYS :=Jessie: tried to stay outside with him, but he always knew I was trying, so it didn't w .08 ::ALWAYS :=Mama: Your memory's always been good. When couldn't you remember .08 ::ALWAYS :=Mama: lists, too, I've noticed that. You always know where they are now! Loretta's .08 ::ALWAYS :=Mama: couldn't you remember things? You're always reminding me what... .09 ::ALWAYS :=Jessie: because you have to. It's what you've always done. .10 ::ALWAYS :=Mama: talk about what they have on, that's always good. And I'll have some crochet work .01 ::AM :=Jessie: I am. .03 ::AM :=Jessie: Not a bit. I am worried about you, but I'm going to do .06 ::AM :=Mama: Do you remember how I used to look, or am I just any old woman now? When you have .08 ::AM :=Jessie: I sure am feeling good. I really am. The double .08 ::AM :=Jessie: I sure am feeling good. I really am. The double vision's gone and my gums .09 ::AM :=Jessie: I am what became of your child. I found an .09 ::AM :=Jessie: because I'm not -- very good company. Am I. .09 ::AM :=Mama: No. And neither am I. .09 ::AM :=Mama: noise like that in your life. Who am I talking to? You're gone already, aren't .09 ::AM :=Mama: to have my hands full someday and how am I supposed to protect myself anyhow when .02 ::AMBULANCE :=Mama: call the doctor. Or how about the ambulance. You like the one driver, I know. .06 ::AMBULANCE :=Jessie: there never was any reason to call the ambulance for me. All they did for me in .10 ::AMBULANCE :=Jessie: what happened, and by that time, the ambulance will be here and they'll come in .01 ::AN :=Jessie: Maybe an old blanket or towels we got in a soap .01 ::AN :=Jessie: I found the bullets. They were in an old milk can. .02 ::AN :=Jessie: He thought I might be taking an interest in things. He got through telling .02 ::AN :=Mama: How an I supposed to act? Tell you to go ahead? .02 ::AN :=Mama: not be quiet at all. What if it's like an alarm clock and you can't wake up so you .06 ::AN :=Jessie: and he leaves the order blanks in an egg box, and you give the bills to Dawson .06 ::AN :=Jessie: the bottom drawer of your dresser in an old Milk of Magnesia box. Cecil left me .08 ::AN :=Jessie: If I'd known I was an epileptic, Mama, I wouldn't have ridden .08 ::AN :=Jessie: I fell off the horse. It was an accident. .08 ::AN :=Mama: she had a full-time secretary job and an IQ of 120. .09 ::AN :=Jessie: a manicure? We could hold hands for an hour and then I could go shoot myself? .09 ::AN :=Jessie: I am what became of your child. I found an old baby picture of me. And it was somebody .10 ::AN :=Jessie: doorbell ring and I don't care if it's an hour, you keep washing that pan. .01 ::AND :=Jessie: And I told you -- The gun is for me. .01 ::AND :=Jessie: And a big piece of plastic like a rubber .01 ::AND :=Jessie: I'll go back and get it in a minute. There's a wagon wheel .01 ::AND :=Jessie: Then wash your hands and don't talk to me any more about Ricky. .01 ::AND :=Jessie: Every word. Wash your hands and that's the last time I'm telling you .01 ::AND :=Jessie: in the attic? I looked your whole nap and couldn't find it anywhere. .01 ::AND :=Jessie: maybe you're just brushing your teeth and you hear this -- noise down the hall .01 ::AND :=Jessie: your hands washed. I'll be right back. And get 'em real dry. You dry your hands .01 ::AND :=Mama: And I told you, we don't get criminals out .01 ::AND :=Mama: Ricky will grow out of this and be a real fine boy, Jess. But I have .01 ::AND :=Mama: sugar. Put it on the list, O.K.? And we're out of Hershey bars, and where's .01 ::AND :=Mama: O.K.? And we're out of Hershey bars, and where's that peanut brittle? I think .01 ::AND :=Mama: a floor at all, hon, it's a board now and then. Measure this for me. I need six .01 ::AND :=Mama: sorry for all the trouble he's caused and invite you out for supper someplace .01 ::AND :=Mama: before you have a fit. I can't come up and get you, you know. .01 ::AND :=Mama: get a job or one day you'll get a call and he'll say he's sorry for all the trouble .02 ::AND :=Jessie: And that's all. .02 ::AND :=Jessie: Dead is everybody and everything I ever knew, gone. Dead is .02 ::AND :=Jessie: I have to go in the bedroom and lock the door behind me so they won't .02 ::AND :=Jessie: telling me all about the bullets and then he said we ought to talk like this .02 ::AND :=Jessie: It's exactly what I want. It's dark and quiet. .02 ::AND :=Jessie: the funeral home. Then call Loretta and see if she'll do your nails. .02 ::AND :=Jessie: phone, I'll just walk in the bedroom and lock the door. Dawson will get here just .02 ::AND :=Jessie: they'd send them if he told them to. And he was absolutely right. Here they a .02 ::AND :=Jessie: want anybody else over here. Just you and me. If Dawson comes over, it'll make .02 ::AND :=Jessie: you if you wanted that swimming towel and you said you didn't. .02 ::AND :=Jessie: got me a new housecoat, pink probably, and Dawson got me new slippers, too small, .02 ::AND :=Jessie: he thought they'd send me some bullets and he said he'd just call for me, because .02 ::AND :=Mama: And then I told you where the gun was. .02 ::AND :=Mama: And where was I while this was going on? .02 ::AND :=Mama: And you can't use your father's gun, either. .02 ::AND :=Mama: excited. You'll cock the pistol and have a fit. .02 ::AND :=Mama: gun, either. It's mine now, too. And you can't do it in my house. .02 ::AND :=Mama: like every other night in the world and then you're going to kill yourself? You'll .02 ::AND :=Mama: unless you're retarded or deranged, and you're as normal as they come, Jessie, .02 ::AND :=Mama: all. What if it's like an alarm clock and you can't wake up so you can't shut it .03 ::AND :=Jessie: And it's time I did something about it. .03 ::AND :=Jessie: And that's when they took the books away .03 ::AND :=Jessie: Off and on, ten years. On all the time, since .03 ::AND :=Jessie: No. You can't. And I can't do anything either, about my .03 ::AND :=Jessie: They know about you, and they learned it before you had a chance .03 ::AND :=Jessie: I called this morning and canceled the papers, except for Sunday, .03 ::AND :=Jessie: It's O.K. Handi-Wipes and sponges under the sink. .03 ::AND :=Jessie: Oh, everything from you and me to Red China. .03 ::AND :=Jessie: I took that telephone sales job and I didn't even make enough money to pay .03 ::AND :=Jessie: even if I ride fifty more years and get off then, it's the same place when .03 ::AND :=Jessie: in the world you want to get off and the only reason in the world you don't .03 ::AND :=Jessie: bulbs in a box in the hall closet. And we've got a couple of packages of fuses .03 ::AND :=Jessie: won't deliver on Saturday anymore. And if you want your order the same day, .03 ::AND :=Jessie: What I do is tell them what we need and tell them to add on cigarettes until .03 ::AND :=Jessie: and bumpy and crowded and too noisy and more than anything in the world you want .03 ::AND :=Jessie: enough money to pay the phone bill, and I tried to work at the gift shop at the .03 ::AND :=Jessie: paper. I don't like how things are. And they're not any better out there than .03 ::AND :=Jessie: your fudge next door to the grocery and it'll all come out together. Be sure .03 ::AND :=Jessie: I'm going to say what happens to it. And it's going to stop. And I'm going to .03 ::AND :=Jessie: I'm just not having a very good time and I don't have any reason to think it'll .03 ::AND :=Jessie: all I really have that belongs to me and I'm going to say what happens to it. .03 ::AND :=Jessie: the bus. Riding the bus and it's hot and bumpy and crowded and too noisy and more .03 ::AND :=Jessie: used to ride the bus. Riding the bus and it's hot and bumpy and crowded and too .03 ::AND :=Jessie: Riding the bus and it's hot and bumpy and crowded and too noisy and more than anything .03 ::AND :=Jessie: but you call Dawson if you've got one and let him do it. .03 ::AND :=Jessie: not. They were there when it happened and it don't belong to them, it belongs to .03 ::AND :=Jessie: this one sack. New packages of toffee and licorice right in back there. .03 ::AND :=Jessie: work at the gift shop at the hospital and they said I made people real uncomfortable .03 ::AND :=Jessie: bus and it's hot and bumpy and crowded and too noisy and more than anything in the .03 ::AND :=Jessie: fuses in the fuse box. There's candles and matches in the top of the broom closet, .03 ::AND :=Jessie: happens to it. And it's going to stop. And I'm going to stop it. So. Let's just .03 ::AND :=Jessie: if the lights go out, just call Dawson and sit tight. But don't open the refrigerator .03 ::AND :=Jessie: same day, you have to call before ten. And they won't deliver less than fifteen .03 ::AND :=Jessie: this is? Red hots up front, sour balls and horehound mixed together in this one .03 ::AND :=Mama: We could get a new dog and keep him in the house. Dogs are chea .03 ::AND :=Mama: You're mad and everybody's boring and you don't have anything to do and you .03 ::AND :=Mama: and you don't have anything to do and you don't like me and you don't like .03 ::AND :=Mama: out and you don't like staying in and you never talk on the phone and you don't .03 ::AND :=Mama: Jessie, and change the shelf paper and wash the floor when I get through. You .03 ::AND :=Mama: in and you never talk on the phone and you don't watch TV and you're miserable .03 ::AND :=Mama: don't watch TV and you're miserable and it's your own sweet fault. .03 ::AND :=Mama: on the phone and you don't watch TV and you're miserable and it's your own sweet .03 ::AND :=Mama: anything to do and you don't like me and you don't like going out and you don't .03 ::AND :=Mama: like me and you don't like going out and you don't like staying in and you never .03 ::AND :=Mama: some little brat, Jessie. You're mad and everybody's boring and you don't have .03 ::AND :=Mama: just leave her at home when he comes. And we don't ever have to see Dawson either .03 ::AND :=Mama: or go to the store. Let's call a taxi and to the A&P! .03 ::AND :=Mama: can fill pill bottles all day, Jessie, and change the shelf paper and wash the floor .04 ::AND :=Jessie: Trouble and everything. .04 ::AND :=Jessie: I bought cocoa, Mama. And I'd like to have a caramel apple and .04 ::AND :=Jessie: and about how many birds she has and how much okra she eats and why she won't .04 ::AND :=Jessie: burns up? Her clothes and pillows and everything? I'm not sure I believe t .04 ::AND :=Jessie: she has and how much okra she eats and why she won't come over here. If I have .04 ::AND :=Jessie: And I'd like to have a caramel apple and do your nails. .04 ::AND :=Jessie: setting the fire to all those houses and about how many birds she has and how .04 ::AND :=Jessie: Her whole house burns up? Her clothes and pillows and everything? I'm not sure .04 ::AND :=Jessie: ask you things I always wanted to know and you could make me some hot chocolate. .04 ::AND :=Mama: Or used to. And you don't get cocoa like mine anywhere .04 ::AND :=Mama: Well, she does. And she says they just follow her home. Well, .04 ::AND :=Mama: "Like a corpse," she says, "and I'm gonna be one soon enough as it .04 ::AND :=Mama: Thelma, so I ain't comin' over, and you can understand or not, but I ain't .04 ::AND :=Mama: "Jessie's shook the hand of death and I can't take the chance it's catching, .04 ::AND :=Mama: now and she could bring the birds and come visit. I didn't know you ever thought .04 ::AND :=Mama: I'll tell her she just has to come and she'll come, all right. She owes me .04 ::AND :=Mama: What trouble? You put it in the pan and stir it up. All right. Fine. Caramel .04 ::AND :=Mama: house she ever lived in. Eight fire, and she's due for a new one any day now. .04 ::AND :=Mama: on a necklace she won playing Bingo, and I only told you about it because I thought .04 ::AND :=Mama: willy-nilly eat okra two meals a day and expect to get away with it. Made her .04 ::AND :=Mama: Jessie. I could call her up right now and she could bring the birds and come visit. .04 ::AND :=Mama: 'em. One time she set out porch chairs and served lemonade. .05 ::AND :=Jessie: You came storming out of his room and said I could wait it out with him if .05 ::AND :=Jessie: out of pipe cleaners and sit back and smile like the stick man was about to .05 ::AND :=Jessie: they'll be here. You'll bend down and get them, like you got the one for the .05 ::AND :=Jessie: ever love him, or he did something and you stopped loving him, or what? .05 ::AND :=Jessie: they'll have something to cook in, and that's the end of it! .05 ::AND :=Jessie: Or sit up with a sick cow all night and leave me a chain of sleepy stick elephants .05 ::AND :=Jessie: like you got the one for the cocoa. And if somebody else comes over here to cook, .05 ::AND :=Jessie: me a boyfriend out of pipe cleaners and sit back and smile like the stick man .05 ::AND :=Jessie: What if you leave carrots on cooking and burn up that pan? .05 ::AND :=Jessie: both of you and somebody to talk to. And if the birds bothered you, well, one .05 ::AND :=Jessie: together. Be cheaper for both of you and somebody to talk to. And if the birds .05 ::AND :=Jessie: like the stick man was about to dance and wasn't I going to get a kick out of that. .05 ::AND :=Jessie: if the strawberries are good this year and you want to go picking with Agnes. .05 ::AND :=Mama: And throw out all the plates and cups. I'll .05 ::AND :=Mama: Oh, I see. He died and left you stuck with me and you're mad .05 ::AND :=Mama: And throw out all the plates and cups. I'll use paper. Loretta can have .05 ::AND :=Mama: It made me sick to look at them and I hid his pipe cleaners a couple of times .05 ::AND :=Mama: woman and that's what he married, and then he held it against me the rest of .05 ::AND :=Mama: Dawson. They all laughed about it. And he'd come back from fishing and all he'd .05 ::AND :=Mama: He died and left you stuck with me and you're mad about it. .05 ::AND :=Mama: one big spoon, and the can opener, and put them out where I can get them. .05 ::AND :=Mama: to me and it didn't matter to him. And it didn't mean we didn't get along. It .05 ::AND :=Mama: I loved him. It didn't matter to me and it didn't matter to him. And it didn't .05 ::AND :=Mama: I wasn't here for his entertainment and I'm not here for yours either, Jessie. .05 ::AND :=Mama: about that. He said you were a runt and he said it from the day you were born .05 ::AND :=Mama: and sit in his car. Dawson told me. And Bennie at the bait shop, he told Dawson. .05 ::AND :=Mama: it. And he'd come back from fishing and all he'd have to show for it was -- a .05 ::AND :=Mama: me. He wanted a plain country woman and that's what he married, and then he held .05 ::AND :=Mama: you knew what he was thinking about and you're going to tell me. .05 ::AND :=Mama: him to get a shirt on and he went in and got one and then he said, real peaceful, .05 ::AND :=Mama: one day he was standing on the porch and I told him to get a shirt on and he went .05 ::AND :=Mama: the man ever did was farm and sit -- and try to think of somebody to sell the .05 ::AND :=Mama: Jessie, all the man ever did was farm and sit -- and try to think of somebody to .05 ::AND :=Mama: a shirt on and he went in and got one and then he said, real peaceful, but to the .05 ::AND :=Mama: he ever did was drive out to the lake and sit in his car. Dawson told me. And Bennie .05 ::AND :=Mama: he said it from the day you were born and he said you didn't have a chance. .05 ::AND :=Mama: my life like I was supposed to change and surprise him somehow. Like I remember .05 ::AND :=Mama: was his last chance not to talk to me and he took full advantage of it. .05 ::AND :=Mama: Wrapped in plastic or coming in sacks. And tuna. I like tuna. I'll eat tuna, thank .05 ::AND :=Mama: me one knife, one fork, one big spoon, and the can opener, and put them out where .05 ::AND :=Mama: paper. Loretta can have what she wants and Dawson can sell the rest. .05 ::AND :=Mama: porch and I told him to get a shirt on and he went in and got one and then he said, .05 ::AND :=Mama: tackle box was full of chewing tobacco and all he ever did was drive out to the .06 ::AND :=Jessie: And I couldn't get one on my own, of cou .06 ::AND :=Jessie: I guess you and Agnes had a good talk about that, hu .06 ::AND :=Jessie: I told them you'd run out of Cokes and you'd have to drink it. I told them I .06 ::AND :=Jessie: but why didn't I take you with me? And I said I didn't think you'd want to go, .06 ::AND :=Jessie: comes on Wednesdays and Saturdays, and he leaves the order blanks in an egg .06 ::AND :=Jessie: here. Now, I'll just call them out and you say yes or no. I know you like pickles. .06 ::AND :=Jessie: them I was taking a little holiday and to look after you. .06 ::AND :=Jessie: time, right there when you want it and real quiet. .06 ::AND :=Jessie: or what? How can you want your food and not want your pots to cook it in? This .06 ::AND :=Jessie: know the milkman comes on Wednesdays and Saturdays, and he leaves the order blanks .06 ::AND :=Jessie: because he made me choose between him and smoking. .06 ::AND :=Jessie: said I didn't think you'd want to go, and they said, "Yeah, everybody's got their .06 ::AND :=Jessie: help you out around the place, come in and get some coffee and talk to you. God .06 ::AND :=Jessie: leaves the order blanks in an egg box, and you give the bills to Dawson once a .06 ::AND :=Jessie: the place, come in and get some coffee and talk to you. God knows what you thought. .06 ::AND :=Mama: And I want to know why you've lived here .06 ::AND :=Mama: And they didn't think something was funny .06 ::AND :=Mama: And you told them you weren't going to be .06 ::AND :=Mama: Your fits made him sick and you know it. .06 ::AND :=Mama: I ever did was good enough for you and I want to know why. .07 ::AND :=Jessie: And say what? Nothing's changed. Cecil, I'd .07 ::AND :=Jessie: Yes I do and so did Cecil. Ricky is the two of us .07 ::AND :=Jessie: like there's loose boards in the floor, and you know who laid that floor, .07 ::AND :=Jessie: I tried to learn to ride a horse. And I tried to stay outside with him, but .07 ::AND :=Jessie: man, Mama. I loved Cecil so much. And I tried to get more exercise and I tried .07 ::AND :=Jessie: take me with him, but he couldn't and I understood that. I wrote that note .07 ::AND :=Jessie: I did tell him I would leave Ricky and you and everything I loved out here if .07 ::AND :=Jessie: fine, but he used that yellow pine and rubbed it smooth... .07 ::AND :=Jessie: for all time in too small a space. And we're tearing each other apart, like .07 ::AND :=Jessie: he talks. We look out at the world and we see the same thing: Not Fair. And .07 ::AND :=Jessie: me. And he knows not to try to get work, and guess where he got that. He walks .07 ::AND :=Jessie: on it, but he said it had to last, and the thing ended up weighing two hundred .07 ::AND :=Jessie: anybody and he got it straight from me. And he knows not to try to get work, .07 ::AND :=Jessie: Ricky's out there trying to get even . And he knows not to trust anybody and he .07 ::AND :=Jessie: and we see the same thing: Not Fair. And the only difference between us is Ricky's .07 ::AND :=Jessie: apart, like always, inside that boy, and if you don't see it, then you're just .07 ::AND :=Jessie: ended up weighing two hundred pounds and I couldn't move it. I said, "How long .07 ::AND :=Jessie: get even . And he knows not to trust anybody and he got it straight from me. And .07 ::AND :=Jessie: tell him I would leave Ricky and you and everything I loved out here if only he .07 ::AND :=Jessie: much. And I tried to get more exercise and I tried to stay awake. I tried to learn .07 ::AND :=Mama: here. He had a wife and son here and he failed you. .07 ::AND :=Mama: responsibilities here. He had a wife and son here and he failed you. .07 ::AND :=Mama: happen. You do what you can about them and you see what happens next. I married .08 ::AND :=Jessie: Just get the manicure tray and sit down! .08 ::AND :=Jessie: No thanks. You get the manicure and I'll be right there. .08 ::AND :=Jessie: a year like this, to think straight and all, before now, I'd be gone already .08 ::AND :=Jessie: me I had fits all the time as a kid and you just told me I fell down or something .08 ::AND :=Jessie: Davis's dogs get in it if you don't. And keep ordering the heavy black bags. It .08 ::AND :=Jessie: My head turns around and I fall down and then what? .08 ::AND :=Jessie: feeling like worrying or getting mad and I'm not afraid it will start a fit if .08 ::AND :=Jessie: with you! What if you are all I have and you're not enough? What if I could take .08 ::AND :=Jessie: yours on it. So you can call Loretta and remind her. .08 ::AND :=Jessie: I really am. The double vision's gone and my gums aren't swelling. No rashes or .08 ::AND :=Jessie: It doesn't pay to buy the cheap ones. And I've got all the ties here with the hammers .08 ::AND :=Jessie: just told me I fell down or something and it wasn't till I had the fit when Cecil .08 ::AND :=Jessie: the box as soon as you open a new one and put them in this drawer. They'll get .08 ::AND :=Jessie: to turn around or hear myself scream. And sometimes there is this dizzy stupid .08 ::AND :=Jessie: I'm not laughing. My head turns around and I fall down and then what? .08 ::AND :=Jessie: drawer. They'll get lost if you don't, and rubber bands or something else won't .08 ::AND :=Jessie: got all the ties here with the hammers and all. Take them out of the box as soon .08 ::AND :=Jessie: mean on my lists. I see 'dish towels,' and I used to wonder whether I was supposed .08 ::AND :=Mama: Your mouth bites down and I have to get your tongue out of the .08 ::AND :=Mama: Well, your chest squeezes in and out, and you sound like you're gagging, .08 ::AND :=Mama: It wasn't all the time, Jessie. And they changed when you started to school. .08 ::AND :=Mama: five and five hundred fits a day and they lasted maybe fifteen seconds apiece, .08 ::AND :=Mama: But I know what to watch for now. And then you turn blue and the jerks start .08 ::AND :=Mama: all. And then the jerks slow down and you wet yourself and it's over. Two minutes .08 ::AND :=Mama: maybe their eyes don't even close and people just call them "thinking spel .08 ::AND :=Mama: This lady had anywhere between five and five hundred fits a day and they lasted .08 ::AND :=Mama: You did! You were eating a popsicle and down you went. He gave it to you. It's .08 ::AND :=Mama: it down to you like your green eyes and your straight hair. It's not my faul .08 ::AND :=Mama: like you're gagging, sucking air in and out like you can't breathe. .08 ::AND :=Mama: -- crumple, in a heap, like a puppet and somebody cut the strings all at once, .08 ::AND :=Mama: here with the two of you turning off and on like light bulbs some nights. .08 ::AND :=Mama: in this story had kept track of hers and she'd had eighty thousand of them in .08 ::AND :=Mama: jerks slow down and you wet yourself and it's over. Two minutes tops. .08 ::AND :=Mama: I go get a wet washcloth, that's all. And then the jerks slow down and you wet .08 ::AND :=Mama: Well, your chest squeezes in and out, and you sound like you're gagging, sucking .08 ::AND :=Mama: and she had a full-time secretary job and an IQ of 120. .08 ::AND :=Mama: off to the wrong man or I took you in and let your life get away from you or all .08 ::AND :=Mama: only lost about two weeks altogether, and she had a full-time secretary job and .08 ::AND :=Mama: thing. Maybe you had a fever sometime and I didn't know it soon enough. Maybe it's .08 ::AND :=Mama: up someplace nice, O.K.? But, Jessie, and this is the reason I even brought this .08 ::AND :=Mama: watch for now. And then you turn blue and the jerks start up. Like I'm standing .08 ::AND :=Mama: Let's take Loretta to Howard Johnson's and have those fried clams. I know you love .08 ::AND :=Mama: fits, too. I think he sat in his chair and had little fits. I read this a long time .08 ::AND :=Mama: get you cleaned up before he gets here and I make him leave before you wake up. .08 ::AND :=Mama: it yourself. You're remembering things and... .09 ::AND :=Jessie: We could hold hands for an hour and then I could go shoot myself? I'm sorry .09 ::AND :=Jessie: somebody who cried and got fed, and reached up and got held and kicked but .09 ::AND :=Jessie: and epilepsy and Ricky and Cecil and you. And me. And hope. I say no! Just .09 ::AND :=Jessie: and the Red Chinese and epilepsy and Ricky and Cecil and you. And me. And .09 ::AND :=Jessie: some new trick nearly every day, and rolled over and drooled on the sheet .09 ::AND :=Jessie: nearly every day, and rolled over and drooled on the sheet and felt your hand .09 ::AND :=Jessie: I found an old baby picture of me. And it was somebody else, not me. It was .09 ::AND :=Jessie: else, not me. It was somebody pink and fat who never heard of sick and lonely, .09 ::AND :=Jessie: Somebody who mainly just laid there and laughed at the colors waving around over .09 ::AND :=Jessie: and I say no. To Dawson and Loretta and the Red Chinese and epilepsy and Ricky .09 ::AND :=Jessie: and kicked but didn't hurt anybody, and slept whenever she wanted to, just by .09 ::AND :=Jessie: about it all and I say no. To Dawson and Loretta and the Red Chinese and epilepsy .09 ::AND :=Jessie: and Ricky and Cecil and you. And me. And hope. I say no! Just let me go easy, .09 ::AND :=Jessie: even. I'm what was worth waiting for and I didn't make it. Me -- who might have .09 ::AND :=Jessie: got fed, and reached up and got held and kicked but didn't hurt anybody, and slept .09 ::AND :=Jessie: head and chewed on a polka-dot whale and woke up knowing some new trick nearly .09 ::AND :=Jessie: pink and fat who never heard of sick and lonely, somebody who cried and got fed, .09 ::AND :=Jessie: rolled over and drooled on the sheet and felt your hand pulling my quilt back .09 ::AND :=Jessie: to stay, except to keep you company, and that's -- not reason enough because I'm .09 ::AND :=Jessie: up over me. That's who I started out and this is who is left. That's what this .09 ::AND :=Jessie: Somebody I waited for who never came. And never will. So, see, it doesn't much .09 ::AND :=Jessie: Who I never was. Or who I tried to be and never got there. Somebody I waited for .09 ::AND :=Jessie: epilepsy and Ricky and Cecil and you. And me. And hope. I say no! Just let me go .09 ::AND :=Jessie: how I say what I thought about it all and I say no. To Dawson and Loretta and the .09 ::AND :=Jessie: who cried and got fed, and reached up and got held and kicked but didn't hurt anybody, .09 ::AND :=Jessie: Dawson and Loretta and the Red Chinese and epilepsy and Ricky and Cecil and you. .09 ::AND :=Jessie: here, what might be worth staying for, and you know what it was? It was maybe if .09 ::AND :=Jessie: of sick and lonely, somebody who cried and got fed, and reached up and got held .09 ::AND :=Jessie: the Red Chinese and epilepsy and Ricky and Cecil and you. And me. And hope. I say .09 ::AND :=Jessie: the colors waving around over her head and chewed on a polka-dot whale and woke .09 ::AND :=Jessie: up! This is the other thing I'm trying . And I'm sure there are some other things .09 ::AND :=Mama: And you're not afraid? .09 ::AND :=Mama: No. And neither am I. .09 ::AND :=Mama: Jessie. I can't just sit here and say O.K., kill yourself if you want .09 ::AND :=Mama: to tell me to stand up straight and say how nice I look in my pink dress, .09 ::AND :=Mama: put in some begonias up the walk and get just the right rain for them all .09 ::AND :=Mama: you've been laughing to yourself and thinking, "Boy, are they all in for a .09 ::AND :=Mama: And Ricky will be married by then and he'll bring your grandbabies over and .09 ::AND :=Mama: to be out there making the coffee and watching me get older every day, and .09 ::AND :=Mama: have that many more to go, Jessie. And as soon as I'm dead, you can do whatever .09 ::AND :=Mama: you want, right here in the house. And maybe one day you'll put in some begonias .09 ::AND :=Mama: be real glad when they've gone home and left you to your quiet again. .09 ::AND :=Mama: hurting and I was here all the time and I never even saw it. And then you gave .09 ::AND :=Mama: like a fool for being alive, child, and you are so wrong! I like it here, and .09 ::AND :=Mama: me go, until they drag me screaming and I mean screeching into my grave, and .09 ::AND :=Mama: the right rain for them all summer. And Ricky will be married by then and he'll .09 ::AND :=Mama: and I mean screeching into my grave, and you're real smart to get away before .09 ::AND :=Mama: and watching me get older every day, and you're supposed to help me die when the .09 ::AND :=Mama: candy when their daddy's not looking and then be real glad when they've gone home .09 ::AND :=Mama: for me to have my hands full someday and how am I supposed to protect myself anyhow .09 ::AND :=Mama: when I don't know what he looks like and I don't know how he sounds coming up .09 ::AND :=Mama: all the time and I never even saw it. And then you gave me this chance to make .09 ::AND :=Mama: and he'll bring your grandbabies over and you can sneak them a piece of candy when .09 ::AND :=Mama: and you are so wrong! I like it here, and I will stay here until they make me go, .09 ::AND :=Mama: kill yourself to make it stop hurting and I was here all the time and I never even .09 ::AND :=Mama: my milk. You're supposed to go around and lock up so I know we're safe for the .09 ::AND :=Mama: say how nice I look in my pink dress, and drink my milk. You're supposed to go .09 ::AND :=Mama: You can keep trying. You can get brave and try some more . You don't have to give .09 ::AND :=Mama: hate the quiet and I don't want to die and I don't want you to go, Jessie. How can .09 ::AND :=Mama: it better, convince you to stay alive, and I couldn't do it. How can I live with .09 ::AND :=Mama: not like you, Jessie. I hate the quiet and I don't want to die and I don't want .09 ::AND :=Mama: up so I know we're safe for the night, and when I wake up, you're supposed to be .10 ::AND :=Jessie: And Agnes will be there, so you might not .10 ::AND :=Jessie: And be sure to invite enough people home .10 ::AND :=Jessie: And it won't be so bad once your friends .10 ::AND :=Jessie: And pick some songs you like or let Agnes .10 ::AND :=Jessie: Don't try and stop me, Mama, you can't do it. .10 ::AND :=Jessie: We made some hot chocolate and put the cover back on the sofa. You had .10 ::AND :=Jessie: I think you'll like it a lot and you'd never think of it. .10 ::AND :=Jessie: Tell him we talked about him and I only had good things to say about him, .10 ::AND :=Jessie: bound to ask you why I did it and you just say you don't know. That you .10 ::AND :=Jessie: It's Granny's ring she gave me and I thought you might like to have it, .10 ::AND :=Jessie: I don't want you to wake Dawson and Loretta when you call. I want them to .10 ::AND :=Jessie: do that gunpowder test, I guess, and ask you what happened, and by that time, .10 ::AND :=Jessie: will be here and they'll come in and get me and you know how that goes. You .10 ::AND :=Jessie: Call Dawson, then call the police, and then call Agnes. And then you'll need .10 ::AND :=Jessie: of our lives, and then I came over and kissed you and said, "'Night, Mother," .10 ::AND :=Jessie: "I appreciate your coming, Connie." And then ask how their garden was this summer .10 ::AND :=Jessie: I guess, and ask you what happened, and by that time, the ambulance will be here .10 ::AND :=Jessie: Tonight is private, yours and mine, and I don't want anybody else to have any .10 ::AND :=Jessie: and then I came over and kissed you and said, "'Night, Mother," and you heard .10 ::AND :=Jessie: but then he saw one he liked better and he couldn't bring both of them home with .10 ::AND :=Jessie: goes. You stay out here with Dawson and Loretta. You keep Dawson out here. I .10 ::AND :=Jessie: pan till you hear the doorbell ring and I don't care if it's an hour, you keep .10 ::AND :=Jessie: she'll know exactly which ones. Oh, and I had your dress cleaned that you wore .10 ::AND :=Jessie: fit and I've never worn any of them, and make sure Dawson hears you tell her that. .10 ::AND :=Jessie: for at least twenty more Christmases and birthdays, so if you want anything special .10 ::AND :=Jessie: her to have it now, don't you think? And all my house slippers are in a sack for .10 ::AND :=Jessie: like every other night of our lives, and then I came over and kissed you and said, .10 ::AND :=Jessie: see their flowers, they'd like that. And When they say, "I'm so sorry, Thelma," .10 ::AND :=Jessie: you call. I want them to still be up and dressed so they can get right over. .10 ::AND :=Jessie: you get enough food to feed them all and have some left for you. But don't let .10 ::AND :=Jessie: call the police, and then call Agnes. And then you'll need something to do till .10 ::AND :=Jessie: doesn't. Me telling him to, like this and all. Now, this number's where you call .10 ::AND :=Jessie: he gets some good dope with it, Mama. And the rest of this is for you. .10 ::AND :=Jessie: say you don't know. That you loved me and you know I loved you and we just sat .10 ::AND :=Jessie: something for him, out here, from me, and to come get it. .10 ::AND :=Jessie: that time, the ambulance will be here and they'll come in and get me and you know .10 ::AND :=Jessie: you call Cecil. I called it last week and he answered, so I know he still ther .10 ::AND :=Jessie: you loved me and you know I loved you and we just sat around tonight like every .10 ::AND :=Jessie: and you heard me close my bedroom door and the next thing you heard was the shot. .10 ::AND :=Jessie: be here and they'll come in and get me and you know how that goes. You stay out .10 ::AND :=Jessie: him, but mainly tell him to find Ricky and tell him what I did, and tell Ricky you .10 ::AND :=Jessie: house, like a new rug in your bathroom and needlework, but next Christmas, you're .10 ::AND :=Jessie: kissed you and said, "'Night, Mother," and you heard me close my bedroom door and .10 ::AND :=Jessie: my closet. Tell her I know they'll fit and I've never worn any of them, and make .10 ::AND :=Jessie: the next thing you heard was the shot. And whatever reasons I had, well, you guess .10 ::AND :=Jessie: to find Ricky and tell him what I did, and tell Ricky you have something for him, .10 ::AND :=Jessie: It's private. Tonight is private, yours and mine, and I don't want anybody else to .10 ::AND :=Mama: And you think he'll go for it? .10 ::AND :=Mama: What if Dawson and Loretta want me to go home with them .10 ::AND :=Mama: I'll make my calls and then I'll just sit. I won't need something .10 ::AND :=Mama: Is that what I tell Dawson and Loretta, too? We sat around, you kissed .10 ::AND :=Mama: watch to Dawson if I feel like it and the only way you can make sure I do what .10 ::AND :=Mama: do what you want is you come out here and make me, Jessie! Jessie! Stop this! I .10 ::AND :=Mama: don't know where my prescriptions are and you didn't tell me what to tell Dr. Davis .10 ::AND :=Mama: too! I'll stand in front of this hall and you can't get past me. You'll have to .10 ::AND :=Mama: he was to make you feel the way he did and I'll give Ricky's watch to Dawson if .10 ::AND :=Mama: what they have on, that's always good. And I'll have some crochet work with me. .04 ::AND'S :=Jessie: sometime? Or did she see me have a fit and's afraid I might have another one if .03 ::ANOTHER :=Mama: Let's get another dog, Jessie! You liked a big dog, .03 ::ANOTHER :=Mama: just watch me. You don't have to do another thing in this house if you don't .03 ::ANOTHER :=Mama: you'd kept your little house or found another place when Cecil left you, you'd .04 ::ANOTHER :=Jessie: have a fit and's afraid I might have another one if she came over, or what? .04 ::ANOTHER :=Mama: using the pay phone because she had another little fire problem at home. .07 ::ANOTHER :=Jessie: did the right thing. He gave himself another chance, that's all. But I did beg .08 ::ANOTHER :=Jessie: But I didn't have another one. .08 ::ANOTHER :=Mama: wasn't anything to do but wait for another one. .08 ::ANOTHER :=Mama: You bet it is. You might never have another one, ever! You might be through with .10 ::ANSWERED :=Jessie: Cecil. I called it last week and he answered, so I know he still there. .01 ::ANY :=Jessie: We got any old towels? .01 ::ANY :=Jessie: wash your hands and don't talk to me any more about Ricky. Those two rings he .02 ::ANY :=Jessie: Dawson doesn't have any more to do with this. .02 ::ANY :=Mama: If he had any idea... .03 ::ANY :=Jessie: I can't do any of that nice work, Mama. .03 ::ANY :=Jessie: I can't say it any better. .03 ::ANY :=Jessie: a very good time and I don't have any reason to think it'll get anything but .03 ::ANY :=Jessie: like how things are. And they're not any better out there than they are in he .03 ::ANY :=Jessie: the hospital. I could have a seizure any time. What good would a job do? The kind .03 ::ANY :=Mama: You didn't have any business being by yourself right then, .03 ::ANY :=Mama: That's because without him there wasn't any business, Jessie! .04 ::ANY :=Mama: fire, and she's due for a new one any day now. .05 ::ANY :=Jessie: than you did, but I didn't know him any better. .05 ::ANY :=Mama: meant for people to go around without any clothes on, they'd have been born that .06 ::ANY :=Jessie: You know there never was any reason to call the ambulance for me. .06 ::ANY :=Mama: how I used to look, or am I just any old woman now? When you have a fit, do .06 ::ANY :=Mama: You never like eating at all, did you? Any of it! What have you been living on all .07 ::ANY :=Jessie: as much like me as it's possible for any human to be. We even wear the same size .08 ::ANY :=Jessie: Mama, I wouldn't have ridden any horses. .08 ::ANY :=Mama: your father. Because I didn't want any more children. Because I smoked too much .10 ::ANY :=Jessie: and I don't want anybody else to have any of it. .10 ::ANY :=Jessie: I know they'll fit and I've never worn any of them, and make sure Dawson hears you .10 ::ANY :=Mama: Jessie! Jessie! What if I don't do any of the things you told me to do! I'll .02 ::ANYBODY :=Jessie: I don't want anybody else over here. Just you and me. .03 ::ANYBODY :=Mama: Or anybody could call us, Jessie. .07 ::ANYBODY :=Jessie: to get even . And he knows not to trust anybody and he got it straight from .08 ::ANYBODY :=Jessie: But you didn't tell anybody. .08 ::ANYBODY :=Jessie: the fit when Cecil was looking that anybody bothered to find out what was the .08 ::ANYBODY :=Mama: I didn't want anybody to know. Least of all you. .09 ::ANYBODY :=Jessie: got held and kicked but didn't hurt anybody, and slept whenever she wanted to, .10 ::ANYBODY :=Jessie: yours and mine, and I don't want anybody else to have any of it. .10 ::ANYBODY :=Jessie: have some left for you. But don't let anybody take anything home, especially L .01 ::ANYBODY'D :=Mama: to help, sugar. We don't have anything anybody'd want, Jessie. I mean, I don't even .09 ::ANYHOW :=Mama: how am I supposed to protect myself anyhow when I don't know what he looks like .01 ::ANYMORE :=Jessie: Towels you don't want anymore. How about this swimming towel Loretta .03 ::ANYMORE :=Jessie: The grocery won't deliver on Saturday anymore. And if you want your order the same .04 ::ANYMORE :=Mama: you don't get cocoa like mine anywhere anymore. .05 ::ANYMORE :=Jessie: Not anymore. He didn't mean to. I didn't have .06 ::ANYMORE :=Mama: Not anymore, I'm not. That hot chocolate was .06 ::ANYMORE :=Mama: them you weren't going to be ordering anymore? .09 ::ANYMORE :=Jessie: might work, but might work isn't good enough anymore. I need something that will .01 ::ANYTHING :=Mama: trying to help, sugar. We don't have anything anybody'd want, Jessie. I mean, .03 ::ANYTHING :=Jessie: No. You can't. And I can't do anything either, about my life, to change .03 ::ANYTHING :=Jessie: have any reason to think it'll get anything but worse. I'm tired. I'm hurt. .03 ::ANYTHING :=Jessie: crowded and too noisy and more than anything in the world you want to get off .03 ::ANYTHING :=Jessie: You know I couldn't work. I can't do anything. I've never been around people by .03 ::ANYTHING :=Mama: But I can't do anything about that! .03 ::ANYTHING :=Mama: everybody's boring and you don't have anything to do and you don't like me and .05 ::ANYTHING :=Jessie: He didn't mean anything by that, Mama. .05 ::ANYTHING :=Mama: He didn't have anything to say to me, Jessie. That's why .05 ::ANYTHING :=Mama: What if he did? It didn't change anything. .05 ::ANYTHING :=Mama: because you'd rather talk to him than anything! If I had died instead of him, he .06 ::ANYTHING :=Jessie: that day. It was his idea I could do anything if I just made up my mind to. I .07 ::ANYTHING :=Jessie: of the house. It didn't have to be anything special, a couple of boards would .07 ::ANYTHING :=Mama: knew much. How was I supposed to learn anything living out here? I didn't know enough .08 ::ANYTHING :=Jessie: It doesn't have anything to do with you! .08 ::ANYTHING :=Jessie: not a curse. Epilepsy doesn't mean anything. It just is. .08 ::ANYTHING :=Jessie: my gums aren't swelling. No rashes or anything. I'm feeling as good as I ever felt .08 ::ANYTHING :=Mama: all the time. He said there wasn't anything to do but wait for another one. .08 ::ANYTHING :=Mama: to do with me, Jessie. You can't do anything, wash your face or cut your finger, .09 ::ANYTHING :=Jessie: so you wouldn't feel bad. There wasn't anything you could say to change my mind. .10 ::ANYTHING :=Jessie: and birthdays, so if you want anything special you better add it to this .10 ::ANYTHING :=Jessie: for you. But don't let anybody take anything home, especially Loretta. .01 ::ANYWAY :=Mama: want. When I die, you'll get it all, anyway. .02 ::ANYWAY :=Jessie: test your hands for gunpowder, anyway, but you'll pass. .02 ::ANYWAY :=Jessie: Agnes. About the milk can, I guess. Anyway, I asked Dawson if he thought they'd .02 ::ANYWAY :=Jessie: I'm not, Mama. I'm cold all the time, anyway. .03 ::ANYWAY :=Jessie: Only a matter of time, anyway, Mama. When the call comes, you let .03 ::ANYWAY :=Mama: You leave the room when they come over, anyway. .04 ::ANYWAY :=Mama: you knew they were going to fall down anyway, so why wait for it, is all I could .05 ::ANYWAY :=Mama: up my cabinets I can't get down to, anyway. Throw them out. Every last one. .05 ::ANYWAY :=Mama: not going to cook. I never liked it, anyway. I like candy. Wrapped in plastic .07 ::ANYWAY :=Jessie: long does a baby bed have to last, anyway?" But maybe he thought if it was strong .09 ::ANYWAY :=Jessie: well, maybe it's not so strange. Anyway, after Christmas, after I decided .01 ::ANYWHERE :=Jessie: Mama. What about some old pillows anywhere, or a foam cushion out of a yard .01 ::ANYWHERE :=Jessie: your whole nap and couldn't find it anywhere. .04 ::ANYWHERE :=Mama: to. And you don't get cocoa like mine anywhere anymore. .08 ::ANYWHERE :=Mama: to what I'm telling you. This lady had anywhere between five and five hundred fits .07 ::APART :=Jessie: a space. And we're tearing each other apart, like always, inside that boy, and .08 ::APIECE :=Mama: and they lasted maybe fifteen seconds apiece, so that out of her life, she'd only .04 ::APPLE :=Jessie: Mama. And I'd like to have a caramel apple and do your nails. .04 ::APPLE :=Jessie: Does that mean I can't have a caramel apple? .04 ::APPLE :=Mama: -- Of course you can have a caramel apple. .05 ::APPLE :=Jessie: What if you want to make apple butter? You can't make apple butter .05 ::APPLE :=Jessie: to make apple butter? You can't make apple butter in that little pan. What if .05 ::APPLE :=Mama: Ready for your apple now? .06 ::APPLE :=Mama: You won't like the apple, either. It'll be just like the cocoa. .08 ::APPLE :=Mama: I'll make your apple now. .04 ::APPLES :=Mama: I make the best caramel apples in the world. .04 ::APPLES :=Mama: stir it up. All right. Fine. Caramel apples. Cocoa. O.K. .03 ::APPRECIATE :=Jessie: we made it together. You took me in. I appreciate that. .10 ::APPRECIATE :=Jessie: That's the idea. I appreciate him not stealing it already. I'd .10 ::APPRECIATE :=Jessie: so sorry, Thelma," you just say, "I appreciate your coming, Connie." And then .01 ::ARE :=Mama: You are not! Don't even say such a thing, Je .01 ::ARE :=Mama: What are you doing? .01 ::ARE :=Mama: There you are! .01 ::ARE :=Mama: You want me to wash 'em now or are you making your mess first? We're out .02 ::ARE :=Jessie: These are from last week. .02 ::ARE :=Jessie: And he was absolutely right. Here they are. .02 ::ARE :=Mama: Those bullets are at least fifteen years old. .03 ::ARE :=Jessie: The way things are. .03 ::ARE :=Jessie: She thinks she's better than we are. She's not. .03 ::ARE :=Jessie: not any better out there than they are in here. .03 ::ARE :=Jessie: that kind of stuff. The mousetraps are under the sink, but you call Dawson if .03 ::ARE :=Jessie: the paper. I don't like how things are. And they're not any better out there .03 ::ARE :=Mama: Then what is it? Are you sick? If your gums are swelling again, .03 ::ARE :=Mama: Honey, nothing says those calls are always going to be some new trouble he's .03 ::ARE :=Mama: dog and keep him in the house. Dogs are cheap! .03 ::ARE :=Mama: even mean to be your family, they just are. .03 ::ARE :=Mama: what is it? Are you sick? If your gums are swelling again, we can get you to the .04 ::ARE :=Jessie: Then what are the whistles for? .04 ::ARE :=Mama: Why are you asking about Agnes? One cup or t .04 ::ARE :=Mama: Your hands are cold. .05 ::ARE :=Jessie: What are you doing? .05 ::ARE :=Jessie: What if the strawberries are good this year and you want to go picking .05 ::ARE :=Jessie: We talked about why black socks are warmer than blue socks. Is that something .06 ::ARE :=Jessie: Are you going to drink ketchup from the bottle .06 ::ARE :=Jessie: Wha