Ted's Grilled Cheese Sandwich Tutorial!



Step One:

Get some groovin' music to listen to while you're cooking up a magical storm of pixiedust in the kitchen, holmzy! I always cook best when I'm grabbin' my nuts and screechin' to some Michael Jackson music. You'll have to find your own inner cooking genie and set to work, of course.

Oh, and don't bother e-mailing me to say: "Hey Ted, you tard, the song is Billie Jean, not Billy Jean". Yes, I know that, pricks, but some idiots on Kazaa don't. Blame it on the government anyway. Or gonorrhea.



Step Two:

Get a pan, homie! Can't grill some cheese samiches without the pan.

So first off, get the normal kitchen pan and set it on the stove so we can grill us some samiches!

Also, don't forget to turn the stove on; turn on preferably at a medium-like temperature, as shown in the picture on the right side. Remember, you don't want burnt cheese sandwiches; you want grilled cheese sandwiches




Step Three:

Get some bread! One of the most crucial elements of a grilled cheese sandwich, aside from the cheese, is the bread. Without bread, you have nothing except crap. And we don't eat crap now, do we? No, we graduated from crap-eating school before we were enrolled in kindergarten.


Step Four:

Gather the rest of the ingredients, like in the picture to the right with those numbers all over the place. Let me break it down for you so you know what those numbers represent; this way, you'll know what specific ingredients you'll need to make a delectable grilled cheese sandwich.
  1. This is the bread. We covered this above. If you cannot remember because you have amnesia, then you should consult the medicine cabinet, Johnny.
  2. This is the butter. You cannot see it is the butter because the lid is on, but just trust me. You'll see soon enough that it is in fact butter.
  3. Cheese. Everyone knows what cheese is. You should especially know what cheese is since we're making a grilled cheese sandwich.
  4. Ketchup! Of course, ketchup is optional. This condiment is used by some people to enrich the taste of their sandwich, like me.
  5. A plate and a knife. You will put your sandwiches on the plate. The knife is used to apply butter to the bread; no, you don't use it to cut people. That would just be messy since it is dull.

Step Five:

Butter that bread, baby! We need this samich to grill on that pan, and butter is the key. Apply smoothly, and be sure to cover the entire piece of bread. Butter every piece of bread. Shown to the left is an example of two buttered pieces of bread. I told you there was actually butter in that container! Once you butter every piece of bread, go ahead and put the butter container away. Take two pieces of cheese out for each sandwich you'll be making. I'm making two for this tutorial; thus, I will be using four pieces of cheese. Go ahead and apply ketchup to your plate and then return the cheese and ketchup to their original dwellings. Next, you'll need something to flip your grilled cheese sandwich in the pan when it's ready to be turned over to grill the other side. What you'll need can be found in the picture to the right.
  1. This is your buttered bread: all ready to have cheese slid in between them and placed on the pan that should be warming up on your stove. If your pan isn't warming up, you messed up and should probably have your mommy or daddy make lunch for you instead.
  2. Ketchup applied to the plate, as stated above. If you don't like ketchup, disregard.
  3. This is a utensil used to flip your grilled cheese sandwich over in the pan to grill the other side; thus, completing your tasty and mouth-watering lunch.

Also, notice I have circled the cheese. There are four pieces of cheese residing on that plate, for your information. Two on the left and two on the right. I always use two slices of cheese per sandwich when making grilled cheese because it makes it extra gooey and extra tasty.

Step Six:

Now, carefully place one slice of bread in your hand, as shown in the picture to the left. Yes, you might get butter on your hand, but don't be a sissy about it. Place two slices of cheese on the bread and then top it off with another piece of bread, thereby completing the sandwich.




Step Seven:

Hurry, hurry, hurry! Hurry that sandwich to the pan and place it in there! You'll most likely here a sizzle on contact - do not panic. That is just the sound of a warmed pan getting to know the butter. If you're making more than one sandwich and your pan is big enough, go ahead and place the other brother in there. That way, you can get both sandwiches done at the same time and then enjoy your lunch faster. Cool, eh?

Be sure to periodically check on your grilled cheese sandwich by following a method close to what is demonstrated by me in the picture to the right. You need to always check so you don't burn that wonderful lunch of yours, friend! No, that white arrow isn't part of your lunch. It is something I painted in there to make sure you knew what was going on. Aren't I swell?


Step Eight:

Now you just have to occupy yourself while you wait for your sandwich to grill. For this tutorial, I decided to waste time while my lunch was cooking by taking a lovely picture of myself so that I would hopefully spoil your lunch upon your viewing of me!

Keep an eye on your sandwich, though! If part of your sandwich begins to look like the parts circled in the picture to the right, it may be time to flip that baby over and get to grillin' the other side! If you can't tell the changes in the sandwich by the pictures, just know that once the butter starts to melt on the side that is up, then it should be time to flip that samich over. Remember this! I don't want to get any e-mails from disgruntled eaters whining about how they burned their sandwich and had to eat leftover macaronni & cheese. Yuck.




Step Nine:

Once you're satisfied with the grilling of your sandwich and it is done to your liking, go ahead and remove the sandwich and place it on your plate that you had gotten out earlier. Please don't e-mail me complaining how you forgot to get a plate out ahead of time, and then had your sandwich balanced on that flipping utensil while you hurried to get a plate out, and then dropped your sandwich only to have it eaten by your dog, Beatrice. Be sure to take the pan off the hot stove and turn the stove off, as shown to your left.

To the right is the completion of your lunch; although, it may not look exactly like mine. Be sure to get a beverage to wash your sandwich down, unless you don't like to imbibe liquids. Here's the breakdown of my lunch. You may eat similar to this if you like, or totally eat of your own style, which I encourage!



  1. This is your meal! Tasty grilled cheese sandwiches with ketchup to boot!
  2. Here's my beverage in an ice-cold drink holder. I have selected Mug Root Beer for today.
  3. You may like to read while you eat. Here's a book of mine called The Mind's I that I was going to read during lunch today, but didn't. Instead, you may want to watch television while you eat. This is what I did, and I watched an episode of the anime GetBackers, as shown to the right.




Step Ten:

This is it, friends! Get to eating that yummy samich! If you were one that chose ketchup for this lunch, dip that bad girl in there and cover it with tomatoey-goodness. Now, slowly and carefully, bring the sandwich up to your mouth, and bite into her!


ENJOY!!





This grilled cheese sandwich tutorial was written and produced by Theodore Wolff. All pictures were taken by the creator of this article (Ted Wolff) and some were edited with shoddy quality by that same person in MS Paint. This tutorial is open to the public and all questions and compliments may be sent to ted@bob5productions.com.