Source Text: FATHER1.1Orderly: You wanted something, sir?
Captain: Is Nojd out there?
Orderly: Nojd's in the kitchen, sir, waiting for orders.
Captain: In the kitchen again? Send him in here at once.
Orderly: Very good, sir.
Pastor: What's the matter now?
Captain: Oh, the rascal has been playing around with the maid again. The fellow's a thoroughly bad lot.
Pastor: Nojd? Didn't he do rather well earlier this year?
Captain: Yes, that's the chap. I wish you'd be kind enough to have a little talk to him. You might do him some good. I've sworn at him, I've even thrashed him, but it didn't make the slightest impression on him.
Pastor: So now you'd like me to preach at him. What effect d'you think God's word would have on a trooper?
Captain: Well, as you know, my dear brother-in-law, it hasn't had much on me.
Pastor: It certainly hasn't.
Captain: But -- well, it might be worth trying with him. Ah, Nojd, what have you been up to now?
Nojd: Beg pardon, Captain, but I can't very well talk about it, not with the Pastor here.
Pastor: There's no need to be shy with me, my boy.
Captain: You'd better make a clean breast of it -- otherwise, you know what you'll get.
Nojd: Well then, it was like this. We were having a dance at Gabriel's, you see, and Ludwig was saying --
Captain: What has Ludwig to do with it? Stick to the point.
Nojd: Yes sir; well then, Emma said "Let's go out to the barn."
Captain: Oh, so I suppose it was Emma who led you astray?
Nojd: Well yes, sir, in a way it was. I always say nothing ever comes of it unless the girl wants it, too.
Captain: Once and for all, are you the father of the child or not?
Nojd: Well, how can I tell?
Captain: What do you mean? Don't you know?
Nojd: No. That's a thing you can never know for certain.
Captain: Weren't you the only one, then?
Nojd: That time, yes. But how's a man to be sure he's always been the only one?
Captain: You'd like to put the blame on Ludwig? Is that it?
Nojd: How am I to know who's to blame?
Captain: But you told Emma that you'd marry her.
Nojd: Oh, you always have to tell them that.
Captain: This is really going too far.
Pastor: It's the old story. Listen, Nojd, surely you're man enough to know if you're the father.
Nojd: Well, of course she and I . . . But you know yourself, Pastor, that nothing need come of that.
Pastor: Look here, my lad, we're talking about you now. Surely you don't just mean to leave the girl with a child. I suppose you can't be forced to marry her, but you shall provide for the child, that you shall.
Nojd: Yes, but Ludwig must help, too.
Captain: Then the Court'll have to decide. I've done all I can. Besides, it's not really my affair. All right, clear out.
Pastor: Nojd, just a minute. Er -- don't you think it's rather disgraceful to leave a girl penniless like that, with a baby? Don't you think so? Well? Doesn't it strike you that that sort of behaviour's . . . well . . . a bit . . .
Nojd: If I knew for certain that I was the father, yes; but, your Reverence, no one can ever be sure. And it's no joke slaving all your life to support another man's child. Surely you see that, Sir, and you, your Reverence.
Captain: Clear out!
Nojd: God bless you, Captain.
Captain: And don't go back in the kitchen, you scoundrel. Well, why didn't you pitch into him?
Pastor: What do you mean? I let him have it, didn't I?
Captain: Tcha, you just sat there mumbling to yourself!
Pastor: To tell you the truth, I didn't really know what to say. It's hard luck on the girl, I agree, but it's hard luck on the boy too. I mean, suppose he's not the father. The girl can stay in the orphanage and nurse the child for four months, and then it's looked after for the rest of its life. It isn't as if that boy could help to nurse it. Afterwards, the girl can get a good place with some respectable family, but the boy's whole future might be ruined of he were dismissed from the regiment.
Captain: Upon my soul, I shouldn't like to be the Magistrate who has to judge this case. Probably the boy's not altogether innocent -- we'll never know; but we do know that the girl's guilty -- if you can call it guilt.
Pastor: Yes -- well, who am I to judge . . . What were we talking about, when this unfortunate business interrupted us? Bertha's confirmation, wasn't it?
Captain: Well, not so much her confirmation, as her whole education. This house it full of women who all want to bring up my daughter. My mother-in-law wants to make a spiritualist of her; Laura wants her to be an artist; the governess wants to make her a Methodist; old Margret, a Baptist; and the maids, a Salvation Army lass. It's no earthly good trying to mould a character like a piece of patchwork -- especially when I, who should have most voice in her upbringing, meet with nothing but opposition. I shall have to get her far away from here.
Pastor: You certainly have too many women running your house for you!
Captain: I have, haven't I? It's like going into a cage full of tigers; if I didn't keep my red-hot irons under their noses, they'd tear me to pieces in half a minute. And you laugh, you wretch! As if it wasn't enough that I married your sister, you palm off your old stepmother on me as well.
Pastor: But, good heavens, a man can't have a stepmother living in his house.
Captain: No, a mother-in-law -- in someone else's house -- suits you better!
Pastor: Ah well, we all have our troubles in this life.
Captain: I dare say, but I have more than my share. I even have my old nurse here, treating me as if I still wore a bib. She's a dear old soul, heaven knows, but she oughtn't to be here.
Pastor: You should keep your women-folk in order, Adolf; you let them run things far too much.
Captain: Very well then, perhaps you'd tell me just how to keep women in order?
Pastor: Strict discipline -- that's what Laura had; but, though she's my own sister, she was always a bit tiresome.
Captain: Oh, of course Laura has her faults, but they don't amount to much.
Pastor: Come on, speak out! -- I know her.
Captain: She was brought up with a lot of romantic ideas, so she finds it rather hard to adapt herself. Still, she's my wife . . .
Pastor: And because she's your wife, she must be perfect! No, my dear chap, she's really the one who plagues you most.
Captain: Well anyhow, the whole house is at sixes and sevens. Laura won't let Bertha go, and I can't let her stay in this madhouse.
Pastor: Laura won't, eh? You know, I'm afraid you're in for trouble. When she was a child she used to lie on the floor like a corpse till she got her own way, then if it was some special thing she was after, as soon as she'd got it, she used to give it back! She'd say that it wasn't the thing she wanted so much as getting her own way.
Captain: So -- she was like that even then? Hm. You know, she sometimes flies into such a rage that I'm really afraid she might be ill.
Pastor: What is your plan for Bertha that's caused so much argument? Can't you compromise somehow?
Captain: You mustn't think I want to make her into some sort of a prodigy -- nor even just another edition of myself. But I will not become a pander for my own daughter, and bring her up with no idea except marriage. You see, that would make it so hard on her if she never married after all. On the other hand, I don't want to persuade her into taking a long course of training for some career more suited to a man, when it would all be wasted if she ever did decide to marry.
Pastor: What is your idea, then?
Captain: I want her to be a teacher. Then, if she doesn't marry, she can always support herself -- at any rate as well as those poor schoolmasters who have to provide for a family on their pay. And if she does marry, she can use her training in bringing up her own children. Don't you think I'm right?
Pastor: Perfectly. On the other hand, hasn't she shown such a gift for painting that it would be almost a crime not to encourage it?
Captain: Not at all! I showed her efforts to a well-known artist, and he said they were only up to school-girl standard. Then, this summer, along comes a young whippersnapper who knows better, and he says she shows superb talent; so, that settles it -- in Laura's mind, at any rate!
Pastor: I suppose he'd fallen in love with the girl?
Captain: Oh, of course.
Pastor: Then may heaven help you, my dear chap, because I can't see much help for you, and of course Laura has her supporters -- through there.
Captain: Oh, you can be sure of that. The whole house is up in arms already, and, between ourselves, the other side's none too particular what weapons it uses.
Pastor: Do you think I don't know?
Captain: You?
Pastor: Of course.
Captain: But the worst of it is, it looks to me as if they're deciding Bertha's future in there out of sheer spite. They drop hints about men being made to see that women can do this, that, and the other. It's man versus woman the whole day long in this house, without a break. Oh, must you go? Do stay for supper -- it won't be anything very grand, but do stay; I'm expecting the new doctor, you know. Have you seen him yet?
Pastor: I caught a glimpse of him, on my way. He seemed a decent, reliable sort of chap.
Captain: That's good. Do you think he might be on my side?
Pastor: Possibly. It depends how much he's lived among women.
Captain: Mm. Look, won't you stay?
Pastor: No, thanks, my dear chap, I promised I'd be in to supper, and the old lady gets anxious if I'm late.
Captain: "Anxious"? You mean "angry". All right, have it your own way. Let me help you on with your coat.
Pastor: It's certainly turned cold tonight. Thank you. You ought to look after yourself, Adolf, you seem a bit on edge.
Captain: I? On edge?
Pastor: Yes, are you feeling off colour?
Captain: I suppose Laura put that idea into your head? For the last twenty years she's been treating me as if I had one foot in the grave.
Pastor: Laura? No, but -- well, I don't like the look of you. Take care of yourself, that's all I say. Goodbye, old man -- Oh, didn't you want to talk about the confirmation?
Captain: Not in the least. I assure you that will go ahead in the ordinary way; it's a matter for your professional conscience. I'm no witness to the faith, and I'm no martyr -- but we've had all that out before. Good night -- remember me to your family.
Pastor: Good night, Adolf -- say good night to Laura for me.