Source Text: CANDIDA1.2Burgess: Spoilin your korates as usu'l, James. Good mornin. When I pay a man, an' 'is living depens on me, I keep him in 'is place.
Morell: I always keep my curates in their places as my helpers and comrades. If you get as much work out of your clerks and warehousemen as I do out of my curates, you must be getting rich pretty fast. Will you take your old chair.
Burgess: Just the same as hever, James!
Morell: When you last called -- it was about three years ago, I think -- you said the same thing a little more frankly. Your exact words then were "Just as big a fool as ever, James!"
Burgess: Well, praps I did; but I meant no hoffence by it. A clorgyman is privileged to be a bit of a fool, you know: it's ony becomin in 'is profession that he should. Anyhow, I come here, not to rake up hold differences, but to let bygones be bygones. James: three years ago, you done me a hil turn. You done me hout of a contrac; an when I gev you arsh words in my natral disappointment, you turned my daughrter again me. Well, Ive come to hact the part of a Kerischin. I forgive you, James.
Morell: Confound your impudence!
Burgess: Is that becomin language for a clorgyman, James? And you so particlar, too!
Morell: No, sir: it is not becoming language for a clergyman. I used the wrong word. I should have said damn your impudence: thats what St Paul or any honest priest would have said to you. Do you think I have forgotten that tender of yours for the contract to supply clothing to the workhouse?
Burgess: I hacted in the hinterest of the ratepayers, James. It was the lowest tender: you carnt deny that.
Morell: Yes, the lowest, because you paid worse wages than any other employer -- starvation wages -- aye, worse than starvation wages -- to the women who made the clothing. Your wages would have driven them to the streets to keep body and soul together. Those women were my parishioners. I shamed the Guardians out of accepting your tender: I shamed the ratepayers out of letting them do it: I shamed everybody but you. How dare you, sir, come here and offer to forgive me, and talk about your daughter, and --
Burgess: Heasy, James! heasy! heasy! Dont git hinto a fluster about nothink. Ive howned I was wrong.
Morell: Have you? I didnt hear you.
Burgess: Of course I did. I hown it now. Come: I harsk your pardon for the letter I wrote you. Is that enough?
Thats nothing: Have you raised the wages?
Burgess: Yes.
Morell: What!
Burgess: Ive turned a moddle hemployer. I dont hemploy no women now: theyre all sacked; and the work is done by machinery. Not a man 'as less than sixpence a hour; and the skilled ands gits the Trade Union rate. What ave you to say to me now?
Morell: Is it possible! Well, theres more joy in heaven over one sinner that repenteth! -- My dear Burgess: how splendid of you! I most heartily beg your pardon for my hard thoughts. And now, dont you feel the better for the change? Come! confess! youre happier. You look happier.
Burgess: Well, praps I do. I spose I must since you notice it. At all events, I git my contrax assepted by the County Council. They dussent ave nothink to do with me unless I paid fair wages: curse em for a parcel o meddlin fools!
Morell: So that was why you raised the wages!
Burgess: Woy helse should I do it? What does it lead to but drink and huppishness in workin men? It's hall very well for you, James: it gits you hinto the papers and makes a great man of you; but you never think of the arm you do, puttin money into the pockets of workin men that they dunno ow to spend, and takin it from people that might be makin a good huse on it.
Morell: What is your business with me this morning? I shall not pretend to believe that you are here merely out of family sentiment.
Burgess: Yes I ham: just family sentiment and nothink helse.
Morell: I dont believe you.
Burgess: Dont say that to me again, James Mavor Morell.
Morell: I'll say it just as often as may be necessary to convince you that it's true. I dont believe you.
Burgess: Oh, well, if youre detormined to be hunfriendly, I spose I'd better go. I didnt hexpect to find a hunforgivin spirit in you, James. We huseter git on well enough, spite of our different hopinions. Woy are you so changed to me? I give you my word I come here in peeorr [pure] frenliness, not wishin to be hon bad terms with my hown daughter's usban. Come, James: be a Kerischin, and shake ands.
Morell: Look here, Burgess. Do you want to be as welcome here as you were before you lost that contract?
Burgess: I do, James. I do -- honest.
Morell: Then why dont you behave as you did then?
Burgess: Ow d'y'mean?
Morell: I'll tell you. You thought me a young fool then.
Burgess: No I didnt, James. I --
Morell: Yes, you did. And I thought you an old scoundrel.
Burgess: No you didnt, James. Now you do yourself a hinjustice.
Morell: Yes I did. Well, that did not prevent our getting on very well together. God made you what I call a scoundrel as He made me what you call a fool. It was not for me to quarrel with His handiwork in the one case more than in the other. So long as you come here honestly as a self- respecting, thorough, convinced scoundrel, justifying your scoundrelism and proud of it, you are welcome. But I wont have you here snivelling about being a model employer and a converted man when youre only an apostate with your coat turned for the sake of a County Council contract. No: I like a man to be true to himself, even in wickedness. Come now: either take your hat and go; or else sit down and give me a good scoundrelly reason for wanting to be friends with me. Thats right. Now out with it.
Burgess: Well, you orr a queer bird, James, and no mistake. But one carnt elp likin you: besides, as I said afore, of course one dont take hall a clorgyman says seriously, or the world couldnt go on. Could it now? Well, I dont mind tellin you, since it's your wish we should be free with one another, that I did think you a bit of a fool once; but I'm beginnin to think that praps I was be'ind the time a bit.
Morell: Aha! Youre finding that out at last, are you?
Burgess: Yes: times 'as changed mor'n I could a believed. Five yorr [year] ago, no sensible man would a thought o takin hup with your hidears. I hused to wonder you was let preach at all. Why, I know a clorgyman what 'as bin kep hout of his job for yorrs by the Bishop o London, although the pore feller's not a bit more religious than you are. But today, if hennyone was to horffer to bet me a thousan poun that youll hend by bein a bishop yourself, I dussent take the bet. You and your crew are gittin hinfluential: I can see that. Theyll ave to give you somethink someday, if it's only to stop your mouth. You ad the right instinc arter all, James: the line you took is the payin line in the long run for a man o your sort.
Morell: Shake hands, Burgess. Now youre talking honestly. I dont think theyll make me a bishop; but if they do, I'll introduce you to the biggest jobbers I can get to come to my dinner parties.
Burgess: You will ave your joke, James. Our quarrel's made up now, ain't it?
Candida: Say yes, James.
Morell: Candida! Why -- My darling! I intended to meet you at the train. I let the time slip. I was so engrossed by -- I forgot -- oh!
Burgess: How orr you, Candy? James and me is come to a nunnerstannin. A honorable unnerstannin. Ain we, James?
Morell: Oh bother your understanding! youve kept me late for Candida. My poor love: how did you manage about the luggage? How --
Candida: There! there! there! I wasnt alone. Eugene has been down with us; and we traveled together.
Morell: Eugene!
Candida: Yes: he's struggling with my luggage, poor boy. Go out, dear, at once; or he'll pay for the cab; and I dont want that. Well, papa: how are you getting on at home?
Burgess: The ouse aint worth livin in since you left it, Candy. I wish youd come round and give the gurl a talkin to. Who's this Eugene thats come with you?
Candida: Oh, Eugene's one of James's discoveries. He found him sleeping on the Embankment last June. Havnt you noticed our new picture. He gave us that.
Burgess: Garn! D'you mean to tell me -- your hown father! -- that cab touts or such like, orf the Embankment, buys pictures like that? Dont deceive me, Candy: it's a 'Igh Church picture; and James chose it hisself.
Candida: Guess again. Eugene isnt a cab tout.
Burgess: Then what is he? A nobleman, I spose.
Candida: Yes. His uncle's a peer! A real live earl.
Burgess: No!
Candida: Yes. He had a seven day bill for 55 pounds in his pocket when James found him on the Embankment. He thought he couldnt get any money for it until the seven days were up; and he was too shy to ask for credit. Oh, he's a dear boy! We are very fond of him.
Burgess: Hm! I thort you wouldnt git a hearl's nevvy visitin in Victawriar Pawrk unless he were a bit of a flat. Of course I dont old with that picture, Candy; but still it's a 'igh fust rate work of ort: I can see that. Be sure you hintrodooce me to im, Candy. I can ony stay about two minutes.
Morell: Come along: you can spare us quarter of an hour at all events. This is my father-in-law. Mr. Burgess -- Mr Marchbanks.
Marchbanks: Glad to meet you, sir.
Burgess: Glad to meet you, I'm shore, Mr Morchbanks. Ow do you find yorself this weather? Ope you aint lettin James put foolish ideas into your ed?
Marchbanks: Foolish ideas? Oh, you mean Socialism? No.
Burgess: Thats right. Well, I must go now: theres no elp for it. Yore not comin my way, orr you, Mr Morchbanks?
Marchbanks: Which way is that?
Burgess: Vicatawriar Pawrk Station. Theres a city train at 12.25.
Morell: Nonsense. Eugene will stay to lunch with us, I expect.
Marchbanks: No -- I -- I --
Burgess: Well, well, I shornt press you: I bet youd rather lunch with Candy. Some night, I ope, youll come and dine with me at my club, the Freeman Founders in Nortn Folgit. Come: say you will!
Marchbanks: Thank you, Mr Burgess. Where is Norton Folgate? Down in Surrey, isnt it?
Candida: Youll lose your train, papa, if you dont go at once. Come back in the afternoon and tell Mr Marchbanks where to find the club.
Burgess: Down in Surrey! Har, har! thats not a bad one. Well, I never met a man as didnt know Nortn Folgit afore. Goodbye, Mr Morchbanks: I know yore too igbbred to take my pleasantry in bad part.
Marchbanks: Not at all.
Burgess: Bye, bye, Candy. I'll look in again later on. So long, James.