Disconfirming Behaviors/Responses

Disconfirming Responses show that you don’t care about: 1) the person, 2) what he or she has to say, or 3) the interaction. Disconfirming responses can negatively affect a person’s sense of self-worth.

▀ Verbal Silence: Failing to acknowledge that the other person has said something to you.

▀ Nonverbal Indifference: Having a blank expression, or lack of any nonverbal response to the other’s message.

▀ Turning Away: Physically withdrawing from the interaction.

▀ Engaging in Other Activities: Reading the paper, stopping to talk to others, watching TV, etc. rather than attending to the person who is trying to talk to you.

▀ Monologue or Stage-hogging: Talking all the time as though what you have to say is important and the other person’s are not.

▀ Impervious Response: No response—seemingly oblivious to what was said.

▀ Interrupting and Completing: Interjecting your comments while the other person is talking. Finishing the other person’s statements.

▀ Irrelevant: Giving a response that has nothing to do with what the other person had just said.

▀ Tangential Response: Starting to respond to the other person’s statement, but then changing the topic. “Yes…but …. “

▀ Impersonal Response: Intellectualizes or uses third person to trivialize the other’s comments.

▀ Incoherent Response: Rambling and unintelligible response.

▀ Incongruous Response: When verbal and nonverbal messages are inconsistent.

Confirming Behaviors/Responses

Confirming Responses show that you value: 1) the person, 2) what he or she has to say, and 3 ) the interaction.

Confirming Responses show other people that you are listening to them, that you value what they say, and have a positive effect on their sense of self value.

▀ Expressions of Direct Interest: Asking for more information; asking probing questions. “Tell me more…”

▀ Reflecting or Paraphrasing: Feedback in your words what you think the other person has said. “So what you’re saying is that …..”

▀ Nonverbal Confirmers: Good eye contact, body oriented toward the other person, providing full attention, responsive facial expressions and gestures.

▀ Summarizing: Provide summaries of what you heard the other person saying to you.

▀ Statements of Genuine Concern: Stating that you value and are concerned about the other.

▀ Direct Acknowledgment: Responding directly to what the other has said.

▀ Agreement about Judgments: Confirm someone’s evaluation of something.

▀ Supportive Response: Express reassurance and understanding.

▀ Clarifying Response: Seeking greater understanding of the other’s message.

▀ Expression of Positive Feelings: Agree/acknowledge another person’s expressions of joy/excitement.