John and Friends

John Schaper


December 8th, 2006

...I am at such a loss for words. It's 1:30 a.m. and I am at work, waiting for a call from Brenda. I miss my friend very much.

March 5th, 2006

Last week was John’s first chemo treatment. I sat with him from 10am until almost 4pm. I had no idea that this treatment took so long. Luckily, it didn’t make him sick or anything. He looks good and is only now starting to feel symptoms. The area where his Liver is has become tender and the Doctors say it’s from the tumors growing. They also said that he would be loosing his hair in about 16 days. I have offered to shave my head when he looses his hair in support of him but he doesn’t believe that would be a good idea. I still might anyways since I know he would get a laugh from it. All of his friends are putting on a benefit concert for him. A lot of people and business’ have donated their time and resources. There is going to be 7 bands and he also wanted Bad Dog to get back together and play. The benefit is this Saturday so today was the first practice for Bad Dog since we disbanded 18 moths ago. You know, I had such a good time jamming with the guys. It was almost like we never stopped. There was even talk of continuing after the benefit. That would be fun. As for myself, I am doing well. I can’t complain….but sometimes I still do. I find that there is a lot to be thankful for………….and John is one.

February 10th, 2006

I will be going to night shift in a few weeks. I am not looking forward to it. I usually like the solitude of night shift but I do find that I tend to think too much. As it is now, I get home just in time to spend a little time with my wife before she goes to bed and then I sit and unwind. It’s quiet and still and that’s the time I find myself scared and alone. I know that I’m not really alone. I also know that my wife would stay up and talk and/or listen if I asked her to. I hate for her to see me so off balance………… there I sit…….scared and alone.

February 8th, 2006

I have had some time to process things so I have been feeling a little better. John and Brenda stopped by to talk to Audrey and I. This made things a little easier. I felt so bad when John originally told me because I really didn’t hear everything he told me. I just went into shock and then hung up. Though I didn’t hang up on him, I still felt like I just walked away. I am glad they stopped by because that gave me a chance to apologize and to let him know that I would be there in whatever capacity I could.
………….I just got a call from Brenda. John’s cancer is too aggressive to treat. Now the doctors are giving him 2-3 months. John doesn’t know yet and Brenda doesn’t want to tell him in fear that he may just give up. Its becoming a long cold winter.

February 7th, 2006

It’s been five days since I learned that one of my best friends has been diagnosed with terminal cancer. I became so physically sick and depressed since, that I have been to the emergency room once already. This will be my way to cope.